very overdue goodbye

Pushed you away
To try and miss you
But that made it even more
Easier to forget you
Oh I pushed you away
To feel a little pain
But I've been lifted
Like I've won a game

Oh you made being alone feel so clean
I'll probably never stop feeling peace and clarity
I see you as more of a pile-up of my own grief
Than any kind of happy memory

It felt like being caught in a loop
Of a scary dream
I'd tell you I'm done, but you wouldn't listen to me
You'd go on and on, saying it was so wrong to leave
So I shut down
And went on quietly

But you hated that
And by no surprise
You'd say I'm cruel and I'm mean when really, I
Gave you 'bout a couple hundred tries
When they all should've been goodbyes

Oh you made being alone feel so clean
I'll probably never stop feeling peace and clarity
Oooo
I see you as more of a pile-up of my own grief
Than any kind of happy memory

But maybe you're right
I'm cold like the wintertime
I'm cruel, and I'm mean or maybe I
Just couldn't put up a fight
So I said
A very overdue goodbye