The Poodle Lecture (Live At The Palladium, NYC / 10-30-77)
π΅ 3289 characters
β±οΈ 5:11 duration
π ID: 11694246
π Lyrics
In the beginning God made the light
Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes
The first mistake was called man
The second mistake was called woman
And the third mistake was the invention of the poodle
Now, the reason the poodle was such a big mistake
Is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up
Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog
The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type body
That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog
You know it's, true, I guess you do too
Oh, I have to kiss you?
Anyway listen, check this out
The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighborhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it
You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days
But the woman, as you know, has always been much smarter than the man
Thank you
"Brooklyn for Zappa, A-card
The present day composer refuses to die"
There should be an Edgard Varèse credit right down there, it should have his name on it
Thank you
Okay
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay
Now you're interrupting my story, now listen
What is that?
Is that the Tower of Power or what?
Oh no, no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away
Just take that thing
Take that and stuff it up David Berman's butt
Now listen
The woman has always been much smarter than the man, you know this is true
And so it was since the beginning of time
The man would do anything to get some pussy
And that's why the woman always had control over him
In the beginning the woman looked the man directly into the eye and said
"I'll tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house
Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers"
Thank you very much
And of course the man did his duty as they say in the trade
He went out and he got a goddamn job
Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar to .98 an hour
Brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that money to the woman
The woman ran out the back door of the garden of Eden
Went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back
And while the man was very tired from having his job
While he was sleeping, the woman got a hold of the poodle
Because the woman had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage
The tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking
Except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it
It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays
And so the woman set out to modify the aforementioned dog
Let me get a little uh, visual aid
Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit
You see, she took a little bit off the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies
Got all of the unwanted extraneous material off this area which we shall call Burbank
Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that
And squatted right on him
Looking down into the dog's eyes
She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog?
She said
Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes
The first mistake was called man
The second mistake was called woman
And the third mistake was the invention of the poodle
Now, the reason the poodle was such a big mistake
Is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up
Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog
The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type body
That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog
You know it's, true, I guess you do too
Oh, I have to kiss you?
Anyway listen, check this out
The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighborhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it
You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days
But the woman, as you know, has always been much smarter than the man
Thank you
"Brooklyn for Zappa, A-card
The present day composer refuses to die"
There should be an Edgard Varèse credit right down there, it should have his name on it
Thank you
Okay
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay
Now you're interrupting my story, now listen
What is that?
Is that the Tower of Power or what?
Oh no, no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away
Just take that thing
Take that and stuff it up David Berman's butt
Now listen
The woman has always been much smarter than the man, you know this is true
And so it was since the beginning of time
The man would do anything to get some pussy
And that's why the woman always had control over him
In the beginning the woman looked the man directly into the eye and said
"I'll tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house
Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers"
Thank you very much
And of course the man did his duty as they say in the trade
He went out and he got a goddamn job
Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar to .98 an hour
Brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that money to the woman
The woman ran out the back door of the garden of Eden
Went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back
And while the man was very tired from having his job
While he was sleeping, the woman got a hold of the poodle
Because the woman had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage
The tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking
Except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it
It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays
And so the woman set out to modify the aforementioned dog
Let me get a little uh, visual aid
Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit
You see, she took a little bit off the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies
Got all of the unwanted extraneous material off this area which we shall call Burbank
Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that
And squatted right on him
Looking down into the dog's eyes
She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog?
She said
β±οΈ Synced Lyrics
[00:01.85] In the beginning God made the light
[00:09.40]
[00:13.18] Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes
[00:20.79] The first mistake was called man
[00:26.05] The second mistake was called woman
[00:32.35] And the third mistake was the invention of the poodle
[00:37.65] Now, the reason the poodle was such a big mistake
[00:40.34] Is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up
[00:48.94] Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog
[00:57.68] The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type body
[01:09.34] That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog
[01:15.22] You know it's, true, I guess you do too
[01:18.97] Oh, I have to kiss you?
[01:23.42] Anyway listen, check this out
[01:30.52] The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighborhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it
[01:36.64] You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days
[01:41.26] But the woman, as you know, has always been much smarter than the man
[01:48.47] Thank you
[01:49.99] "Brooklyn for Zappa, A-card
[01:51.88] The present day composer refuses to die"
[01:54.42] There should be an Edgard Varèse credit right down there, it should have his name on it
[01:58.72] Thank you
[02:00.18] Okay
[02:01.68] That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay
[02:07.40] Now you're interrupting my story, now listen
[02:10.70] What is that?
[02:14.16] Is that the Tower of Power or what?
[02:17.96]
[02:22.24] Oh no, no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away
[02:28.26] Just take that thing
[02:29.12] Take that and stuff it up David Berman's butt
[02:32.45] Now listen
[02:34.55] The woman has always been much smarter than the man, you know this is true
[02:39.88] And so it was since the beginning of time
[02:42.77] The man would do anything to get some pussy
[02:46.66] And that's why the woman always had control over him
[02:50.67] In the beginning the woman looked the man directly into the eye and said
[02:56.46] "I'll tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house
[03:02.12] Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers"
[03:10.81] Thank you very much
[03:13.68]
[03:15.85] And of course the man did his duty as they say in the trade
[03:18.94] He went out and he got a goddamn job
[03:21.38] Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar to .98 an hour
[03:25.05] Brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that money to the woman
[03:29.19] The woman ran out the back door of the garden of Eden
[03:32.12] Went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back
[03:38.88] And while the man was very tired from having his job
[03:42.33] While he was sleeping, the woman got a hold of the poodle
[03:46.18] Because the woman had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage
[03:52.95] The tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking
[03:56.83] Except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it
[04:00.77] It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays
[04:04.37] And so the woman set out to modify the aforementioned dog
[04:10.55] Let me get a little uh, visual aid
[04:14.50]
[04:25.57] Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit
[04:31.16] You see, she took a little bit off the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies
[04:43.75] Got all of the unwanted extraneous material off this area which we shall call Burbank
[04:51.46] Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that
[04:58.63] And squatted right on him
[05:01.99] Looking down into the dog's eyes
[05:05.34] She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog?
[05:09.85] She said
[05:10.51]
[00:09.40]
[00:13.18] Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes
[00:20.79] The first mistake was called man
[00:26.05] The second mistake was called woman
[00:32.35] And the third mistake was the invention of the poodle
[00:37.65] Now, the reason the poodle was such a big mistake
[00:40.34] Is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up
[00:48.94] Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog
[00:57.68] The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type body
[01:09.34] That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog
[01:15.22] You know it's, true, I guess you do too
[01:18.97] Oh, I have to kiss you?
[01:23.42] Anyway listen, check this out
[01:30.52] The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighborhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it
[01:36.64] You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days
[01:41.26] But the woman, as you know, has always been much smarter than the man
[01:48.47] Thank you
[01:49.99] "Brooklyn for Zappa, A-card
[01:51.88] The present day composer refuses to die"
[01:54.42] There should be an Edgard Varèse credit right down there, it should have his name on it
[01:58.72] Thank you
[02:00.18] Okay
[02:01.68] That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay
[02:07.40] Now you're interrupting my story, now listen
[02:10.70] What is that?
[02:14.16] Is that the Tower of Power or what?
[02:17.96]
[02:22.24] Oh no, no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away
[02:28.26] Just take that thing
[02:29.12] Take that and stuff it up David Berman's butt
[02:32.45] Now listen
[02:34.55] The woman has always been much smarter than the man, you know this is true
[02:39.88] And so it was since the beginning of time
[02:42.77] The man would do anything to get some pussy
[02:46.66] And that's why the woman always had control over him
[02:50.67] In the beginning the woman looked the man directly into the eye and said
[02:56.46] "I'll tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house
[03:02.12] Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers"
[03:10.81] Thank you very much
[03:13.68]
[03:15.85] And of course the man did his duty as they say in the trade
[03:18.94] He went out and he got a goddamn job
[03:21.38] Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar to .98 an hour
[03:25.05] Brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that money to the woman
[03:29.19] The woman ran out the back door of the garden of Eden
[03:32.12] Went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back
[03:38.88] And while the man was very tired from having his job
[03:42.33] While he was sleeping, the woman got a hold of the poodle
[03:46.18] Because the woman had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage
[03:52.95] The tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking
[03:56.83] Except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it
[04:00.77] It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays
[04:04.37] And so the woman set out to modify the aforementioned dog
[04:10.55] Let me get a little uh, visual aid
[04:14.50]
[04:25.57] Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit
[04:31.16] You see, she took a little bit off the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies
[04:43.75] Got all of the unwanted extraneous material off this area which we shall call Burbank
[04:51.46] Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that
[04:58.63] And squatted right on him
[05:01.99] Looking down into the dog's eyes
[05:05.34] She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog?
[05:09.85] She said
[05:10.51]