Death of an Illusion
๐ต 3516 characters
โฑ๏ธ 10:23 duration
๐ ID: 11773796
๐ Lyrics
You left the apartment one day crying
Asking if we were gonna let you back in
We said yes but never actually did
'Cause I felt a sense of dread
Every time I saw a text
Every time a memory replayed
Every time I saw your face
'Cause you admitted one day
That you wanted me to feel the same
You wanted me to feel pain
'Cause you weren't my girlfriend
The memories spun in my head
They took a different shape
You were the only one who liked
This fucked up game
Twist the words we don't care
You can shift the blame
At the end of the day
I don't trust a single word you say
And now I don't know who to trust
I don't know who to trust
I don't know who to trust
I don't know who to trust
I had a panic attack
I called you late at night
I thought you were gonna
Commit suicide
I thought I overreacted
But it was just the seeds
Of a tree you had planted
In my head when I wasn't looking
You sent multiple texts a day
I tried my best to ignore them
But I snapped when
You told me you'd still take the train
When I told you what you had done
You suddenly shifted the tone
"I've always checked your consent
And followed your desires and limits"
(It's what you said)
No, it's not a wonderful adventure
No, it's not an enchanted parenthesis
You just imposed a sexual urge
On a boy that's barely eighteen
No, I won't accept the apology
No, It won't be that easy
Oh, you can keep saying sorry
I know you don't mean it
I stayed in Becca's bed for days
Looking straight at the ceiling
I thought about the 17 girl
You had slept with
So I, so I gathered all the information
And I sent in right to your face
And I kicked you out of the places
Where you could still talk to children
A severed arm in a hospital room
That's the picture you sent
With a constant stream of insults
Beneath suicide threats
And on that morning
I contemplated death
Alone in my messy apartment
'Cause I can act like it didn't matter
But your texts fucked me up
Your mask was slipping away
You felt so proud of your rape
And I didn't see through your shit
So I covered my ears and I screamed
And I walk because it's what I'm supposed to do
Drawing my pain in the snow with my shoe
And I know there are so many things I should do
But this morning, I hear nothing
I hear nothing
I hear nothing
I still wake up crying in the night
I try to scream but I try, and I try, and I try
And you're over me, smiling wide
I want to speak and I want to
But I'm fucking terrified
And in your head, you're still right
You're not a rapist or a pedophile
Well, try your best to rationalize
I hope you don't sleep at night
And my body fails when I see a text
Always finding ways to shift the blame
Insulting me and hiding behind tears
'Cause you're terrified of what you did
You still talk to some of my best friends
You strictly forbid me of telling them
So I still can't warn them openly that
This quirky adult is attracted to teens
It's something I still can't tell to you
'Cause you go awkwardly silent when I do
I'm gonna make sure you can't sleep
Until you realize what you fucking did
And I walk because it's what I'm supposed to do
Drawing your face in the snow with my shoe
But I don't have to talk to you If I don't want to
'Cause this morning, I hear nothing
I hear nothing
I drew your face in the snow
Hoping it would melt away
I can stand her
I can stand her for as long as I want to
I know that there's no way out
Your face won't disappear
It's gonna stay there
It's gonna follow me
Wherever I go
And I don't know how I'm gonna get rid of it
Asking if we were gonna let you back in
We said yes but never actually did
'Cause I felt a sense of dread
Every time I saw a text
Every time a memory replayed
Every time I saw your face
'Cause you admitted one day
That you wanted me to feel the same
You wanted me to feel pain
'Cause you weren't my girlfriend
The memories spun in my head
They took a different shape
You were the only one who liked
This fucked up game
Twist the words we don't care
You can shift the blame
At the end of the day
I don't trust a single word you say
And now I don't know who to trust
I don't know who to trust
I don't know who to trust
I don't know who to trust
I had a panic attack
I called you late at night
I thought you were gonna
Commit suicide
I thought I overreacted
But it was just the seeds
Of a tree you had planted
In my head when I wasn't looking
You sent multiple texts a day
I tried my best to ignore them
But I snapped when
You told me you'd still take the train
When I told you what you had done
You suddenly shifted the tone
"I've always checked your consent
And followed your desires and limits"
(It's what you said)
No, it's not a wonderful adventure
No, it's not an enchanted parenthesis
You just imposed a sexual urge
On a boy that's barely eighteen
No, I won't accept the apology
No, It won't be that easy
Oh, you can keep saying sorry
I know you don't mean it
I stayed in Becca's bed for days
Looking straight at the ceiling
I thought about the 17 girl
You had slept with
So I, so I gathered all the information
And I sent in right to your face
And I kicked you out of the places
Where you could still talk to children
A severed arm in a hospital room
That's the picture you sent
With a constant stream of insults
Beneath suicide threats
And on that morning
I contemplated death
Alone in my messy apartment
'Cause I can act like it didn't matter
But your texts fucked me up
Your mask was slipping away
You felt so proud of your rape
And I didn't see through your shit
So I covered my ears and I screamed
And I walk because it's what I'm supposed to do
Drawing my pain in the snow with my shoe
And I know there are so many things I should do
But this morning, I hear nothing
I hear nothing
I hear nothing
I still wake up crying in the night
I try to scream but I try, and I try, and I try
And you're over me, smiling wide
I want to speak and I want to
But I'm fucking terrified
And in your head, you're still right
You're not a rapist or a pedophile
Well, try your best to rationalize
I hope you don't sleep at night
And my body fails when I see a text
Always finding ways to shift the blame
Insulting me and hiding behind tears
'Cause you're terrified of what you did
You still talk to some of my best friends
You strictly forbid me of telling them
So I still can't warn them openly that
This quirky adult is attracted to teens
It's something I still can't tell to you
'Cause you go awkwardly silent when I do
I'm gonna make sure you can't sleep
Until you realize what you fucking did
And I walk because it's what I'm supposed to do
Drawing your face in the snow with my shoe
But I don't have to talk to you If I don't want to
'Cause this morning, I hear nothing
I hear nothing
I drew your face in the snow
Hoping it would melt away
I can stand her
I can stand her for as long as I want to
I know that there's no way out
Your face won't disappear
It's gonna stay there
It's gonna follow me
Wherever I go
And I don't know how I'm gonna get rid of it
โฑ๏ธ Synced Lyrics
[00:01.94] You left the apartment one day crying
[00:05.66] Asking if we were gonna let you back in
[00:09.46] We said yes but never actually did
[00:17.35] 'Cause I felt a sense of dread
[00:21.80] Every time I saw a text
[00:25.46] Every time a memory replayed
[00:29.61] Every time I saw your face
[00:32.87] 'Cause you admitted one day
[00:37.23] That you wanted me to feel the same
[00:41.88] You wanted me to feel pain
[00:45.11] 'Cause you weren't my girlfriend
[00:47.74] The memories spun in my head
[00:52.62] They took a different shape
[00:57.11] You were the only one who liked
[01:00.56] This fucked up game
[01:03.76] Twist the words we don't care
[01:08.35] You can shift the blame
[01:12.01] At the end of the day
[01:14.77] I don't trust a single word you say
[01:18.53] And now I don't know who to trust
[01:22.59] I don't know who to trust
[01:26.83] I don't know who to trust
[01:34.62] I don't know who to trust
[01:38.17] I had a panic attack
[01:50.64]
[02:08.49] I called you late at night
[02:11.20] I thought you were gonna
[02:13.01] Commit suicide
[02:18.22] I thought I overreacted
[02:23.22] But it was just the seeds
[02:25.60] Of a tree you had planted
[02:28.19] In my head when I wasn't looking
[02:33.88]
[02:36.26] You sent multiple texts a day
[02:39.56] I tried my best to ignore them
[02:42.64] But I snapped when
[02:44.21] You told me you'd still take the train
[02:51.67] When I told you what you had done
[02:54.61] You suddenly shifted the tone
[02:57.62] "I've always checked your consent
[03:00.14] And followed your desires and limits"
[03:05.94] (It's what you said)
[03:07.51] No, it's not a wonderful adventure
[03:11.05] No, it's not an enchanted parenthesis
[03:14.08] You just imposed a sexual urge
[03:16.73] On a boy that's barely eighteen
[03:22.56] No, I won't accept the apology
[03:25.85] No, It won't be that easy
[03:28.39] Oh, you can keep saying sorry
[03:30.92] I know you don't mean it
[03:34.26] I stayed in Becca's bed for days
[03:40.87] Looking straight at the ceiling
[03:43.55] I thought about the 17 girl
[03:46.26] You had slept with
[03:50.80] So I, so I gathered all the information
[03:55.57] And I sent in right to your face
[03:59.03] And I kicked you out of the places
[04:01.90] Where you could still talk to children
[04:07.87] A severed arm in a hospital room
[04:10.65] That's the picture you sent
[04:13.42] With a constant stream of insults
[04:16.00] Beneath suicide threats
[04:23.05] And on that morning
[04:24.41] I contemplated death
[04:27.27] Alone in my messy apartment
[04:30.21] 'Cause I can act like it didn't matter
[04:33.16] But your texts fucked me up
[04:37.78] Your mask was slipping away
[04:40.79] You felt so proud of your rape
[04:43.27] And I didn't see through your shit
[04:47.70] So I covered my ears and I screamed
[04:52.73] And I walk because it's what I'm supposed to do
[05:14.41] Drawing my pain in the snow with my shoe
[05:21.91] And I know there are so many things I should do
[05:29.18] But this morning, I hear nothing
[05:35.20] I hear nothing
[05:50.85] I hear nothing
[06:05.55] I still wake up crying in the night
[06:14.25] I try to scream but I try, and I try, and I try
[06:20.15] And you're over me, smiling wide
[06:28.58] I want to speak and I want to
[06:32.02] But I'm fucking terrified
[06:34.72] And in your head, you're still right
[06:53.33] You're not a rapist or a pedophile
[06:57.18] Well, try your best to rationalize
[07:00.53] I hope you don't sleep at night
[07:04.30] And my body fails when I see a text
[07:08.42] Always finding ways to shift the blame
[07:11.73] Insulting me and hiding behind tears
[07:15.08] 'Cause you're terrified of what you did
[07:19.27] You still talk to some of my best friends
[07:22.75] You strictly forbid me of telling them
[07:26.09] So I still can't warn them openly that
[07:29.73] This quirky adult is attracted to teens
[07:34.27] It's something I still can't tell to you
[07:37.26] 'Cause you go awkwardly silent when I do
[07:40.95] I'm gonna make sure you can't sleep
[07:44.03] Until you realize what you fucking did
[07:48.55] And I walk because it's what I'm supposed to do
[07:55.54] Drawing your face in the snow with my shoe
[08:03.10] But I don't have to talk to you If I don't want to
[08:10.46] 'Cause this morning, I hear nothing
[08:16.57] I hear nothing
[08:35.76]
[08:39.71] I drew your face in the snow
[08:43.58] Hoping it would melt away
[08:45.45] I can stand her
[09:36.21] I can stand her for as long as I want to
[09:41.90]
[09:44.73] I know that there's no way out
[09:49.01] Your face won't disappear
[09:52.17] It's gonna stay there
[09:54.69] It's gonna follow me
[09:57.19] Wherever I go
[10:00.49] And I don't know how I'm gonna get rid of it
[10:01.92]
[00:05.66] Asking if we were gonna let you back in
[00:09.46] We said yes but never actually did
[00:17.35] 'Cause I felt a sense of dread
[00:21.80] Every time I saw a text
[00:25.46] Every time a memory replayed
[00:29.61] Every time I saw your face
[00:32.87] 'Cause you admitted one day
[00:37.23] That you wanted me to feel the same
[00:41.88] You wanted me to feel pain
[00:45.11] 'Cause you weren't my girlfriend
[00:47.74] The memories spun in my head
[00:52.62] They took a different shape
[00:57.11] You were the only one who liked
[01:00.56] This fucked up game
[01:03.76] Twist the words we don't care
[01:08.35] You can shift the blame
[01:12.01] At the end of the day
[01:14.77] I don't trust a single word you say
[01:18.53] And now I don't know who to trust
[01:22.59] I don't know who to trust
[01:26.83] I don't know who to trust
[01:34.62] I don't know who to trust
[01:38.17] I had a panic attack
[01:50.64]
[02:08.49] I called you late at night
[02:11.20] I thought you were gonna
[02:13.01] Commit suicide
[02:18.22] I thought I overreacted
[02:23.22] But it was just the seeds
[02:25.60] Of a tree you had planted
[02:28.19] In my head when I wasn't looking
[02:33.88]
[02:36.26] You sent multiple texts a day
[02:39.56] I tried my best to ignore them
[02:42.64] But I snapped when
[02:44.21] You told me you'd still take the train
[02:51.67] When I told you what you had done
[02:54.61] You suddenly shifted the tone
[02:57.62] "I've always checked your consent
[03:00.14] And followed your desires and limits"
[03:05.94] (It's what you said)
[03:07.51] No, it's not a wonderful adventure
[03:11.05] No, it's not an enchanted parenthesis
[03:14.08] You just imposed a sexual urge
[03:16.73] On a boy that's barely eighteen
[03:22.56] No, I won't accept the apology
[03:25.85] No, It won't be that easy
[03:28.39] Oh, you can keep saying sorry
[03:30.92] I know you don't mean it
[03:34.26] I stayed in Becca's bed for days
[03:40.87] Looking straight at the ceiling
[03:43.55] I thought about the 17 girl
[03:46.26] You had slept with
[03:50.80] So I, so I gathered all the information
[03:55.57] And I sent in right to your face
[03:59.03] And I kicked you out of the places
[04:01.90] Where you could still talk to children
[04:07.87] A severed arm in a hospital room
[04:10.65] That's the picture you sent
[04:13.42] With a constant stream of insults
[04:16.00] Beneath suicide threats
[04:23.05] And on that morning
[04:24.41] I contemplated death
[04:27.27] Alone in my messy apartment
[04:30.21] 'Cause I can act like it didn't matter
[04:33.16] But your texts fucked me up
[04:37.78] Your mask was slipping away
[04:40.79] You felt so proud of your rape
[04:43.27] And I didn't see through your shit
[04:47.70] So I covered my ears and I screamed
[04:52.73] And I walk because it's what I'm supposed to do
[05:14.41] Drawing my pain in the snow with my shoe
[05:21.91] And I know there are so many things I should do
[05:29.18] But this morning, I hear nothing
[05:35.20] I hear nothing
[05:50.85] I hear nothing
[06:05.55] I still wake up crying in the night
[06:14.25] I try to scream but I try, and I try, and I try
[06:20.15] And you're over me, smiling wide
[06:28.58] I want to speak and I want to
[06:32.02] But I'm fucking terrified
[06:34.72] And in your head, you're still right
[06:53.33] You're not a rapist or a pedophile
[06:57.18] Well, try your best to rationalize
[07:00.53] I hope you don't sleep at night
[07:04.30] And my body fails when I see a text
[07:08.42] Always finding ways to shift the blame
[07:11.73] Insulting me and hiding behind tears
[07:15.08] 'Cause you're terrified of what you did
[07:19.27] You still talk to some of my best friends
[07:22.75] You strictly forbid me of telling them
[07:26.09] So I still can't warn them openly that
[07:29.73] This quirky adult is attracted to teens
[07:34.27] It's something I still can't tell to you
[07:37.26] 'Cause you go awkwardly silent when I do
[07:40.95] I'm gonna make sure you can't sleep
[07:44.03] Until you realize what you fucking did
[07:48.55] And I walk because it's what I'm supposed to do
[07:55.54] Drawing your face in the snow with my shoe
[08:03.10] But I don't have to talk to you If I don't want to
[08:10.46] 'Cause this morning, I hear nothing
[08:16.57] I hear nothing
[08:35.76]
[08:39.71] I drew your face in the snow
[08:43.58] Hoping it would melt away
[08:45.45] I can stand her
[09:36.21] I can stand her for as long as I want to
[09:41.90]
[09:44.73] I know that there's no way out
[09:49.01] Your face won't disappear
[09:52.17] It's gonna stay there
[09:54.69] It's gonna follow me
[09:57.19] Wherever I go
[10:00.49] And I don't know how I'm gonna get rid of it
[10:01.92]