33

[00:21.50] I can beat every level in Mario
[00:25.91] I can make you scrambled eggs
[00:30.32] I can quote every line in Jumanji
[00:34.32] I can open the fridge with my legs
[00:39.20] I know how to go to the grocery store without using GPS
[00:47.89] I learned how to juggle on YouTube
[00:52.06] But there's something I gotta get off my chest
[00:57.56] I don't know how to do my taxes
[00:59.74] I stash my cash in a mattress
[01:01.71] Don't know how to change a tire
[01:03.97] Thats why I take the bus
[01:06.41] Don't know how to use a drill
[01:08.42] I gotta ask my neighbor Phil
[01:10.55] To help me hang a picture
[01:12.74] 'Cause I'm stupid and I suck
[01:15.81] I could learn all of these skills
[01:20.25] But I doubt I ever will
[01:23.58] My dad is ashamed of me
[01:26.33] 'Cause I just turned 33
[01:31.30]
[01:46.66] I can nap pretty much whenever
[01:50.75] I can cook a burger well done
[01:55.29] I can make my eyes roll to the back of my head
[01:59.62] I can make my tongue look like a hot dog bun
[02:04.26] I know how to put two holes in an apple and smoke it like a bong
[02:12.57] I can chug a can of sprite in a minute
[02:16.75] And then carve that can into a bong
[02:22.56] But I can't spell "restaurant"
[02:24.70] I know it starts with "R"
[02:26.97] And I know it ends with "T"
[02:28.93] The middle is a mystery
[02:31.40] I don't know how to make a pasta sauce
[02:33.67] I mostly use ketchup
[02:35.65] It's still tomato based
[02:37.82] Get off my freaking case
[02:40.80] I could learn all of this shit
[02:44.95] But every time I try, I quit
[02:48.81] My mom is ashamed of me
[02:51.87] 'Cause I just turned 33
[02:58.71] When Albert Einstein was 26 he discovered relativity, and
[03:06.96] When I was 26 I chugged some vodka through my butt at a party
[03:15.58] When Greta Thunberg was 17 she was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize
[03:24.09] When I was 17, I got shot in the dick playing paintball
[03:32.27] When Michael Jordan was 24 he won the MVP award, and
[03:40.70] When I was 24, I took mushrooms
[03:48.73] When Oprah Winfrey was 32 she changed television forever
[03:57.31] When I was 32 I asked my father for a hundred dollars
[04:06.41] And he said no
[04:11.68] Not again
[04:13.60] Not a- not again, not again
[04:15.85] No-ho-ho-ho-ho
[04:19.95] Not again
[04:21.65] Not a- not again, not again
[04:25.23]
[04:49.25] I, I suck
[04:53.38] I, I suck
[04:56.03] I suck at stuff
[04:57.42] I, I suck
[05:00.03] I suck at stuff
[05:01.79] I, I suck
[05:04.23] I fucking suck
[05:05.90] I suck, I suck
[05:08.32] I suck at stuff
[05:09.74] I suck, I suck
[05:13.18] At stuff
[05:13.97] I suck, I suck (I fucking suck, I suck)
[05:16.75] I suck at stuff
[05:18.20] I suck, I suck (I fucking suck, I suck)
[05:22.03] I could learn all of these skills (I fucking suck so much)
[05:25.88] But I doubt I ever will (I fucking suck!)
[05:29.26] My uncle's ashamed of me
[05:32.25] 'Cause I just turned 33
[05:36.93] And I suck!
[05:42.55]