Wanderlust

I'd be stupid to give up.
That's what I said back then.
But I'm near a decade older and I'm still wondering when.
I got the truth inside my holster.
My fantasy in my crosshairs.
A Russian roulette bullet-pointed existential nightmare.
I owe it to myself, and everyone I love.
Is this enough?
I lust to wander an extra in sonder.
A lantern without kerosene.
Broken not burnt out I'm still stuck in somehow.
A victim of self-parody.
So come save me.
I guess you didn't seem to notice
But everybody ends up all the same.
Dying. Slowly. But not as fast as I like.
Another windy city midnight.
A dead man's brigade,
With thoughts going off like a hand grenade.
I could've had anything I ever wanted.
Four years and a shovel for their profits.
Buried under doubt with a broken conscience.
Headstone reads: tread lightly.
I lust to wander an extra in sonder.
A lantern without kerosene.
Broken not burnt out I'm still stuck in somehow.
A victim of self-parody. So come save me
I'm in too deep. I'm stuck in a rut.
I've been dangerously out of touch.
I'm a melancholy complacent.
With all my answers adjacent.
I'm a passenger in my own skin. So come save me.
I could've had anything I ever wanted.
Four years and a shovel for their profits.
Buried under doubt with a broken conscience.
Headstone reads: tread lightly