Brave and Mighty Captain

[00:00.10] Gather 'round me hearties
[00:02.17] How close do you want us to your actual hearties?
[00:03.95] What? No, not those hearties
[00:05.72] Well, good 'cause that would've been really creepy
[00:07.40] That was close, yeah
[00:08.75] I have an epic narrativity for you
[00:11.61] I didn't know it was Christmas
[00:12.67] Hey, can I be a wise man?
[00:13.91] Now I'm thinkin' about it, Christmas, no, Happy would be a good baby Jesus
[00:16.16] No, guys
[00:17.28] I could be a shepherd, no! You'd be a great shepherd, Saxton, no, no, a story
[00:21.09] Oh, Captain Patch storytime, I love storytime!
[00:24.17] Yes indeed, a humongious tale of mightyousness
[00:26.80] Good word, what? Is that even really a word?
[00:29.33] He's on a roll
[00:29.91] A tale of carnevolent braveryism
[00:32.31] Good word, I know
[00:34.29] A tale of
[00:35.01] Complete and utter crap
[00:36.45] What?
[00:36.75] Every- you do this all the time, no
[00:38.85] And you always tell us these epicausic tales of flingly-dangly-ny
[00:42.05] Huh, and you know what? They're all wrong, they're all crap
[00:44.78] You make them all up, what are you talking about?
[00:45.92] In fact, they only have one thing in common
[00:48.02] What's that?
[00:48.53] Hey Saucy, what's the one thing that his grandiotosic tales of flippety-back have in common?
[00:52.88] That the crew is never there to see it
[00:54.43] Exactly, you are welcome, what?
[00:56.90] But that's okay because he always comes back, and he tells us all the things that happened
[01:01.02] That's right, every last detail, I do
[01:02.73] I know, and every last detail is a complete and utter fabricosity of ample ejaculatation
[01:08.18] Ooh, good word
[01:09.77] Thank you
[01:10.25] Come again?
[01:11.09] Wait what? Huh?
[01:12.13] You know what? I bet you got one right now, don'tcha? I do
[01:13.97] I do, would you like to hear it?
[01:14.86] I would love to hear it
[01:15.65] I have a very masculosity tale
[01:16.93] A masculosity tale? Yes indeed, that sounds fantastic, you should tell it to us
[01:19.96] I will, I would love to hear it, you gotta shut up
[01:21.54] I can't shut up, you've known me for like ten years now, do I ever shut up? I will tell, I wanna tell the story
[01:25.30] Well, I don't wanna hear it now, you waited too long
[01:26.96] What are you talkin' about?
[01:27.57] No, I'm done, I don't wanna hear it
[01:28.61] I'm tellin' the story
[01:29.78] Well, you're the captain
[01:36.05] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[01:38.41] Sing it loud, and sing it strong
[01:40.63] Tell me tales of action
[01:42.51] Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
[01:45.17] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[01:47.29] We'll sing 'em with you all day long
[01:49.59] Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
[01:54.29] Well, I told you that scar right here was from a shark bite on my rear
[01:58.22] But Chewy said, "That isn't really true"
[02:00.93] That's 'cause it isn't really true
[02:02.58] He said that you fell down some stairs
[02:04.95] While wearing women's underwear
[02:07.14] And busted through the window of a backdoor of a stew
[02:12.90] A stew? Like you eat?
[02:14.89] Nah, nah, it's another name for a whorehouse
[02:16.72] You eat a whorehouse?
[02:18.28] Every Tuesday
[02:19.96] Huh
[02:20.72] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[02:23.11] Sing it loud, and sing it strong
[02:25.22] Tell me tales of action
[02:27.59] Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
[02:29.97] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[02:32.16] We'll sing 'em with you all day long
[02:34.34] Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
[02:39.21] Well, remember how I told you about those eight guys that I bested?
[02:43.35] I beat 'em up, and got bloodied up, and then I got arrested
[02:47.70] But Sven was there and says, "No way
[02:50.08] It was from when you had no pay
[02:52.06] To pay the whore, she gave you more than lovin' on that day"
[02:57.88] Alright, that's a long story guys
[02:59.74] Yeah, and it's a long story that ends with you getting your ass kicked by a girl
[03:03.08] Again
[03:04.42] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[03:06.85] Sing it loud, and sing it strong
[03:09.06] Tell me tales of action
[03:10.91] Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
[03:13.85] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[03:15.65] We'll sing 'em with you all day long
[03:17.83] Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
[03:21.58] Listen to him lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
[03:27.64] Well, then there's the story of my life, when I made it with the governor's wife
[03:32.49] Ginger hair and skin so fair, and curves so fine from here to there
[03:37.22] Saxton tells a different tale
[03:39.14] He says, "That lady was a whale"
[03:41.38] 36, 24, 36
[03:43.55] Her forearms, neck, and thighs
[03:48.43] That doesn't even rhyme
[03:49.83] Never stopped us before
[03:51.88] Nope
[03:52.75] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[03:55.15] Sing it loud, and sing it strong
[03:57.27] Tell me tales of action
[03:59.22] Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
[04:01.91] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[04:03.91] We'll sing 'em with you all day long
[04:06.44] Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
[04:11.16] Well, I told you the time that I was marooned on an isle by Cape Town Lagoon
[04:15.82] Livin' off the land and sea for almost 80 days
[04:19.43] But Patty here, he spilled the beans
[04:21.83] Said you were taken by marines
[04:24.21] You said you were the cabin boy
[04:26.37] We heard you were the cabin toy
[04:30.53] Alright, it was once a week, and it was a long time ago
[04:33.23] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was college, you were young, you needed the money
[04:35.93] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[04:38.59] Sing it loud, and sing it strong
[04:40.65] Tell me tales of action
[04:42.69] Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
[04:45.34] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[04:47.50] We'll sing 'em with you all day long
[04:49.87] Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
[04:54.58] I love the story that I like to tell about swingin' from the mainmast sail
[04:58.98] With a cutlass in one hand, I must've looked so grand
[05:03.10] Jack says, "That's not how it went
[05:05.23] When you made that infamous descent
[05:07.47] It was a Scotsman's kilt you grabbed
[05:09.86] And Saucy Jack you nearly stabbed"
[05:13.66] It was, it was more like a poke
[05:15.31] Oh, you mean like from Facebook?
[05:16.85] Yeah, let's, let's go with that
[05:19.32] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[05:21.87] Sing it loud, and sing it strong
[05:24.01] Tell me tales of action
[05:26.15] Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
[05:28.68] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[05:30.63] We'll sing 'em with you all day long
[05:33.09] Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
[05:37.85] Now listen up you scurvy lads
[05:40.06] I'm the meanest captain you'll ever have
[05:42.31] Now toe the line, or else you'll walk the plank, arr
[05:46.08] Zulu said that when you hired him
[05:48.37] You were dressed with frilly trim
[05:50.69] While frolicking and picking daisies down there by the bank
[05:57.31] Frilly pink dress, huh?
[05:59.00] Don't you judge me
[06:00.62] Uh-huh, hey Zulu? Yeah? I got a question
[06:03.79] Um, if he was wearin' a frilly pink dress when he tried to hire you, yeah
[06:06.96] Why the Hell'd you say yes?
[06:08.22] Uh, um, uh, don't you judge him
[06:11.93] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[06:13.95] Sing it loud, and sing it strong
[06:16.10] Tell me tales of action
[06:18.21] Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
[06:20.94] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[06:22.80] We'll sing 'em with you all day long
[06:25.14] Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
[06:29.32] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[06:31.97] Sing it loud, and sing it strong
[06:34.01] Tell me tales of action
[06:36.03] Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
[06:38.42] Sing me one of them pirate songs
[06:40.43] We'll sing 'em with you all day long
[06:42.71] Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
[06:46.74] Listen to him lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
[06:51.18] Listen to me lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
[06:56.80]