Undeserving

I am barely holding on
There is no love
That can save me anymore
I'm wasting too much time
But I swear it's never what I wanted

And I've never been so desperate
To forget all my guilt that I would
Bruise myself to sleep

But I swear I'm trying
To be enough
I ignite myself
To see your eyes light up

Voices sound so incoherent
When they reach my ears
And praying to a God
To feel relent
I just want to feel whole again

My hands they shake
Violently
As I try to speak
My hands they shake
Violently
When I overthink

I am a dead weight
I am undeserving
Set adrift
I am doomed to sink

I am undeserving
Set adrift
Doomed to sink

This ill-fated path I've chosen
Has chiseled me to the bone
Set adrift
I am doomed to sink

Once again
Crawling back into the hole
I have dug
Once again
My nails are deep into the dirt
Once again

I am reminded that

I am undeserving
I am undeserving