The Great Debate

[00:06.74] Welcome, welcome, welcome to this great arena
[00:07.98] Durham, North Carolina, the heart of the Research Triangle
[00:14.24] We've come to this particular place tonight
[00:16.54] 'Cause we gotta look at things from every angle
[00:19.89] We need some answers to some complicated questions
[00:23.29] If we're going to get it right
[00:26.75] To that end we have here gathered
[00:28.84] Some of the most expensive scientists in the world
[00:32.21] Eminent scientists, that is
[00:34.03] We got biologists, biometricians, got a quantum mechanic and astrophysicians
[00:39.56] We got a cosmologist and a cosmetician, got an astronaut, we got Astro Boy
[00:46.05] We got he-doctors, she-doctors, knee doctors, tree doctors
[00:52.15] We a got a lumberjack and a life coach
[00:56.60] On the other side, we have the true believers
[01:01.46] We got the Baptists, the Methodists, Presbyterians
[01:04.90] The Episcopalians are here, pass the hat
[01:07.99] We got the Shakers, the Quakers, the anti-innoculators
[01:10.96] The Big Boss Line from Madison Town
[01:13.98] The Six Blind Boys, Five Tons of Joy, give 'em room, get out of the way
[01:19.97] We got a Bible Belter from the Mississippi Delta
[01:24.72] Have them all arranged
[01:31.52] Scientists, are you ready?
[01:35.27] First question: dark matter
[01:42.36] Oh, dark matter
[01:45.84] Give me someone knows somethin' about space
[01:50.06] Nice space music, Georgie
[01:52.51] All right, what is it? Where is it? Can we get some?
[02:00.36] Stand up, sir, would you? You are standing, forgive me
[02:05.48] Dark matter, go ahead
[02:10.66] Dark matter is out in space
[02:16.46] It's seventy-five percent of everything
[02:21.43] Just a moment, sir. Do yourself a favor, use our music
[02:25.04] People like it, and your music's making people sick
[02:29.40] All right. It's a free country, go ahead
[02:31.98] Dark matter, what is it?
[02:33.94] We don't know what it is, but we think it's everywhere
[02:43.09] I'd like to take a look at it. Can we get some down here?
[02:46.73] Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[02:52.58] Of course not!
[02:55.01] Let me get this straight: you don't know what it is
[02:57.66] You don't know where it is, and we can't get any?
[03:01.05] Put that to the one side
[03:03.36] Let's put the Lord, faith, eternity and whatever on the other side
[03:09.12] Show of hands?
[03:11.15] I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time
[03:12.33] I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time
[03:16.12] Yes I will, yes I will, yes I will, yes I will
[03:24.64] I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time
[03:31.70] All right, one-nothing
[03:35.00] Next one's gonna be a hard one
[03:36.71] It's about the theory of evolution, and it's about animals, also
[03:40.42] So, give me someone knows somethin' about evolution, and animals
[03:45.03] Who you got?
[03:46.99] Wow, you're a beautiful woman, aren't you?
[03:51.98] Doesn't matter, of course, but if this science thing doesn't work out for you
[03:59.87] Don't boo me, don't boo me
[04:01.65] I'm just kiddin' you, you know that
[04:03.00] Here's my question: explain me the giraffe
[04:06.13] Go ahead
[04:08.14] Elaborate?
[04:10.56] With pleasure, miss
[04:12.99] The giraffe, to survive, must eat leaves high up on the Yabba Yabba tree
[04:18.69] That's true, isn't it?
[04:21.10] Of course it is. Everyone knows that!
[04:24.09] But Mr. Darwin's giraffe, the halfway-giraffe, with a halfway-giraffe neck
[04:29.66] Could never have reached the highest branches of the Yabba Yabba
[04:34.14] Therefore, he could not have survived
[04:37.59] It's only common sense
[04:40.49] Unfortunately for you, Mr. Charles Darwin didn't have any common sense
[04:44.13] Evolution is a theory, and we have just now, tonight, disproved it
[04:51.70] Show of hands?
[04:54.26] I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time
[05:03.79] I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time
[05:07.78] Yes I will, yes I will, yes I will, yes I will
[05:12.39] I'll take Jesus every time
[05:18.14] All right, two-nothing
[05:19.60] Next question: global warming
[05:21.32] Is it, and if so, so what?
[05:23.40] One of the true believers seeks to be recognized
[05:28.31] Hand him a mic, Charles
[05:30.22] Thank you
[05:31.80] Sir, do you know what you are?
[05:38.93] You're an idiot. You're a strawman, a fabrication
[05:44.25] You see, the author of this little vignette, Mr. Newman
[05:47.90] Self-described atheist and communist, creates characters, like you
[05:54.32] As objects of ridicule
[05:56.92] He doesn't believe anything he has you say
[05:59.95] Nor does he want us to believe anything you say
[06:03.92] Makes it easy for him to knock you down, hence, a strawman
[06:07.36] I, myself, believe in Jesus
[06:12.00] I believe in evolution, also. I believe in global warming, and in life everlasting
[06:19.39] No one can knock me down
[06:24.05] Oh, we can knock you down, Mister
[06:26.48] We can knock your communist friend down, too
[06:29.59] Communist
[06:31.55] You call me an idiot
[06:33.54] We've been knocking people like Mr. Newman down for years and years
[06:37.64] Like this: page 35, Georgie
[06:42.64] Mrs. Dorothy, page 35
[06:50.14] I know someone is watching me
[06:55.18] Everywhere I go
[06:59.74] Someone sees everything I see
[07:03.71] Knows everything I know
[07:08.17] When I'm in trouble, don't have a friend
[07:12.22] There's still somebody on whom I can depend
[07:16.72] Someone who'll be there 'till the very end
[07:20.64] Someone is watching me
[07:24.76] Someone is watching me
[07:29.17] Someone is watching me
[07:33.79] For so long, I was too blind to see
[07:37.88] Someone is watching
[07:40.22] Someone is watching
[07:42.82] Someone is watching me
[07:47.88] Take a little break, ladies and gentlemen
[07:49.88] Fifteen, twenty, twenty-five minutes
[07:53.30] Depending on how the merchandise is moving
[07:56.80] We'll be right back
[08:04.36]