somewhere without me

I have panic attacks almost every night
And I have no idea why
I don't even feel human
And I think I'm going to die young
And I'll be alone
I want nothing more
Than to see life in a positive way
But it all just feels so uncertain
And I've never been a strong or confident person
I try to make myself believe that I don't care what other people think
But actually I care too much
And that really gets in the way of a lot
I'm scared of everything
Emotionally, I feel like a kid
And I just want everyone to like me and be proud of me
But it feels wrong
It makes me feel like a narcissist
I don't know if I am one
I really don't want to be but I'm just confused
I always put my own needs before anyone else's
I'm selfish

Everything feels wrong

I always find a way
To let everyone down

I just hope no one mourns me when I'm gone
The least I can do is not matter to anyone
So I'll just keep on keeping to myself