The Friday Game

Well, the other Friday night I went to jiggin' wi' me mates,
Tae a place well kent in Edinburgh toon
And in case the scene got heavy, we nipped in tae hae a bevy,
Three pints, four vodkas and a Blue Lagoon
'Twas a quarter tae eleven when we climbed on board the bus,
Arguing wi' the driver o'er the fare
We were shoutin' out and singin', and the bus was fairly mingin',
Wi' fish suppers we were eatin' up the stairs

Well, we staggered in the dancing, past the bouncers in their suits
And I says, "I'll see you later" tae the lads
So I nipped in tae the bog tae comb my hair and squeeze my plooks
And brush the dandruff frae my shoulder pads
When I joined up wi' Ronnie I was feeling ten feet tall,
Nae dolly could resist my aftershave
From my usual position, leaning up against the wall,
I perused the talent while the disco played

Oh, the jiggin', dancin', swingin' is the life for all young men
Who've got red blood in their veins instead of blue
For some folk the dancin' isnae their idea o' paradise
But it's Mecca for the likes of me and you

Well now, Ronnie says to me, "D'ye fancy splittin' up these two?"
So casually we sauntered 'cross the hall
Ah, but my one says, "You're not on, cause I heard ye're on the brew,
And anyway I'm dancin' wi' my pal"
Ah well, somewhat taken doon, we wandered roond and roond the floor,
Tae see if we could find a bit o' spare,
Ah, but every bird we chatted up, just didn't want tae know,
Ye'd have thought that we had beasties in oor hair

Well, the night being half way over, and we hadnae make the grade,
To sum up the evening, "rubbish" was the word
So, we had a competition, wi' a screw-top for the prize,
Tae the one that got off wi' the ugliest bird
Well, I latched on tae this cracker, the most mawkit one in sight,
She looked as though her doctor was a vet
She'd a face like a half-chewed caramel and pimples on her nose,
Aye, and legs that could kick-start a jumbo jet

Oh, the jiggin', dancin', swingin' is the life for all young men
Who've got red blood in their veins instead of blue
For some folk the dancin' isnae their idea o' paradise
But it's Mecca for the likes of me and you

Well, I casually nicked my fag and stuck the doubt behind my ear
And tenderly I clutched her sweaty paw
And although her face was crabbit, I heard she was a rabbit,
So, the night may no' be wasted after all
As we dance around the floor, I whispered, "Darlin', where d'ye bide?"
And my heart sank when she answered, "Broomhouse Square"
Well, I said, "It's nae a lumber, but a pen-pal that you need
Or a mortgage for to pay your taxi fare."

Well, waited for the taxi for an hour or maybe two,
For ye see, this lemon hadnae ta'en the hint
I was absolutely bo'kin, it was rainin', I was soakin'
By the time I paid the taxi, I was skint
Well, we struggled in the close and I tried everythin' I ken
I even asked her out with me again
Ah but, what can a fella do, wi' a expert in Kung Fu
And tae cap all, I had tae walk back hame

Oh, the jiggin', dancin', swingin' is the life for all young men
Who've got red blood in their veins instead of blue
For some folk the dancin' isnae their idea o' paradise
But it's Mecca for the likes of me and you