I'll Be Stoned for Christmas

I'll be stoned for Christmas
You can plan on me
I must insist, on the Lemon Twist
Martinis by the tree

Christmas Eve you'll find me
Sparkin' up some green
Rollin' bones for Christmas dinner
And sipping Irish Cream
(Oh yeah, feels good now)

Santa Claus will be flyin'
(Whoa, steady now)
With his reindeer team

But I'll be crawlin' 'round on the floor this Christmas
'Cause someone hid my keys

Oh, my. I think the keys are over here by the couch
...the couch this is, too. Is that naugahyde? Doesn't matter