Ozzie Girl

So, umm
Actually, I was in love with this fella's best friend
He was way more good looking
And, umm, anyway
He fancied my best friend
So that kinda screwed things up for me
But I thought, you know
If I get together with the best mate
I get to hang out with the guy I really like
So I did, you know? Umm

But I was a virgin, and he was not, that's true
He was also, I think, a drug addict already
But, umm, anyway
So we hung out as a foursome a lot
He was a terrible kisser
And the other guy looked like a really good kisser
I used to watch the others kissing
And it was, like, hot, really hot

Anyway, finally, we go to this party
And my sister is dating this-guy-I'm-seeing's brother, right?
So they go off for a wander in the fields
And I know what they're going to do
And then the guy I'm seeing says
"You wanna go for a walk?"
And I'm like, "Oh, shit", but I went, "OK, sure!"
And he was leaving that night to go to the airport
So I thought, you know, what can go wrong?
If it does go wrong, he's leaving, so, you know
If he abducts me, he can only abduct me for like an hour

So then we go for a walk, and, uhh
We lie down in this field and there's a full moon
And it's so romantic, except, it's not romantic
Cause there're fucking prickles all over my ass
And, like, in my head and my neck
And he's, like, dry-humping me
But I just go with it, you know?
And then he's, like, getting his donger out
And putting on a you-know-what

And then he goes, "Guide me"
And I'm like, "No"