Jason Waste

[00:01.14] Hi my name is Jason and I'm not gay
[00:04.14] [People are so damn crazy up in Jason's world]
[00:08.46] People call me a waste man, 'cause I haven't got a job (what a knob)
[00:12.19] [He don't wanna get out of bed]
[00:15.28] Bed, up, make tea, shower, eat,
[00:17.50] Paste, wee, change, go, make teas,
[00:20.09] Alarm, snooze back to sleep
[00:21.76] All of my little brothers, always call me a waste man
[00:23.64] [Waste man, waste man]
[00:24.49] Because I'm 27, and I'm living down in the basement
[00:25.39] [Waste man]
[00:26.13] I'm so complacent, so I will stay here
[00:26.90] They're banging on my door, but I won't chase 'em
[00:28.66] Cause I'm so lazy, the last few days I
[00:30.29] Haven't seen daylight, haven't shaved
[00:32.57] And they can say what they like, they just hate me
[00:34.29] Cause I never let 'em have a go on my PlayStation (piss off)
[00:36.34] They said I'm fat I need to go to the gym
[00:37.61] I don't wanna be fat, I wanna be slim
[00:39.21] Did a minute on the treadmill went for a swim
[00:40.99] Little kids jumped out soon as I jumped in
[00:42.61] Now I'm in the changing room
[00:44.72] Hi my name is Jason and I'm not gay
[00:46.00] I'm looking at your thing but it's not what you think
[00:48.53] I'm think to myself why is mine not as big
[00:50.15] So I think dirty thoughts so I can get it bigger
[00:51.70] Beyonce, look at me now I'm a killer
[00:53.52] I said I'm not gay go away stop wishing
[00:55.62] I just wanted a bit of stiff competition
[00:57.25] [Erm, sorry Jason]
[00:58.82] What, what do you want?
[00:59.76] [We've just had a complaint]
[01:00.50] Piss off
[01:01.49] [From a very valued client]
[01:02.05] I said piss off
[01:02.78] [Sadly resulting in us revoking your membership]
[01:03.59] Shut up I don't care
[01:04.75] This is a crap gym
[01:06.04] [Well, mate, just leave, please]
[01:07.44] It doesn't work, how do I know it works
[01:08.24] I'm still fat, why am I still fat
[01:09.54] [Just go, please]
[01:10.48] It's a shit gym
[01:11.24] Sod off
[01:11.92] I got a baby mum and a lovely little son
[01:12.77] Lovely boy but his is mum is very very dumb
[01:14.02] I was very very drunk, I told her lot of secrets
[01:15.92] Very very drunk, I told her not to keep it
[01:18.54] Anyway she had it, sorry had him, Darren
[01:20.56] His grandmother Karen, wanted to call him Gavin
[01:22.27] But I didn't have it, I was working at Maplin
[01:24.09] Gavin was my manager and I wanted to slap him
[01:25.68] 'Cause he wanted to sack me, 'cause I wanted to stab him
[01:27.32] 'Cause my girl liked him and she wanted to shag him
[01:29.12] He's a bit bigger, but I know I could have him
[01:31.18] As a matter of fact he kinda looks like Darren
[01:32.68] I still got sacked and this is how it happened
[01:34.60] Some Nigerian guy called Tunde
[01:36.30] Who told me to call him Thomas for short
[01:38.16] Walked into the store, said he wanted to talk
[01:39.73] At first I wasn't sure, but because he was nice, to me
[01:42.06] And he kinda showed me his nine
[01:43.92] He brought a lot of stuff and he told me to swine
[01:45.15] But this is a woman's car
[01:46.45] [Shut up it's for my wife)
[01:47.28] He would come in like every fortnight
[01:48.67] And buy the same iPod 4 times
[01:50.16] Apparently he was doing the same thing with Tariq
[01:52.47] Who told the police my name when it happened (It was Jason)
[01:54.06] [Hello Jason]
[01:55.02] What?
[01:56.11] [We're from the Metropolitan Police fraud department)
[01:57.35] Police!
[01:58.14] [We'd like ask you a few...]
[01:58.98] Oink oink!
[01:59.65] [Excuse me?]
[02:00.39] Oink, you're a pig
[02:00.92] [Excuse me?!]
[02:01.58] Listen go away man, I don't wanna get arrested
[02:03.63] I wanna rest, I wanna sleep
[02:05.08] [Look, you're coming with me]
[02:06.25] All my little brothers smoke weed
[02:07.03] [Oh my goodness]
[02:07.77] Come and arrest them, or they'll do murder
[02:09.07] Bed
[02:09.75] I can sleep till the world ends
[02:10.56] And I ain't in a rush for a girlfriend
[02:11.76] All I ever do is fail them
[02:13.45] 'Cause all I ever do is tell them the true
[02:15.76] If you're fat you're fat, bitch, ain't nothing wrong with that
[02:19.23] Don't switch I'm, just telling you a fact
[02:20.70] Do you think you're thin?
[02:21.73] [Well no]
[02:22.35] Well then
[02:23.14] [I hate you!]
[02:23.69] I abuse most of them
[02:24.53] I think that's how I lose most of them
[02:26.02] I don't want to get too close to them
[02:27.84] After what happened to Elton in school
[02:29.41] Elton was cool
[02:30.68] But he had a girlfriend that didn't want to do things he wanted to
[02:32.77] do
[02:33.62] [I said no!]
[02:34.23] She said no but he went ahead and felt her
[02:35.42] [Get off me!]
[02:36.01] I think he's just coming out of Feltham
[02:37.09] My last girl was a wannabe WAG
[02:38.61] [Hi!]
[02:39.23] Who went everywhere in a cab
[02:40.27] I told her I'm rich
[02:41.55] She took me to Harrod
[02:42.13] And picked up this Gucci worth a grand
[02:43.52] I went quiet like words from my gran
[02:45.48] 'Cause that's too much to spend on a slag
[02:47.09] I mean that's too much to spend on a bag
[02:49.00] As soon as we got to the till, I ran
[02:50.73] [Where you going?!]
[02:51.66] Then my mobile rang
[02:52.56] ['Ello?]
[02:53.39] It was my first love, Ann
[02:54.42] [Hi Jason]
[02:55.28] She said she split up with her man
[02:56.28] [He's gone]
[02:56.96] And she's in need of a bang
[02:58.13] [Come round]
[02:58.73] I said I'll be on a bus in a minute
[02:59.84] She said "you better not bust in a minute"
[03:01.37] I got prang and rushed to the chemist
[03:03.75] Excuse me, have you got anything for men that ejaculate premature?
[03:07.29] [Oh yes]
[03:07.88] He took me to the back of the store
[03:08.93] He gave me a spray, what's this for?
[03:10.76] [Put a little on the top just before]
[03:12.30] Got to her house, clock says 4
[03:14.17] She's worn out, I'm wanting more
[03:15.88] 'Cause she's sore she went down south
[03:17.81] And I think she's saying she can't feel her mouth
[03:19.27] Oi, Anna, speak loud
[03:21.40] Are you saying you can't feel your mouth?
[03:22.85] [Mm mm mm!]
[03:23.44] Are you saying where is this mouse?
[03:25.05] What, you want me to take your couch?
[03:26.57] Look if you want to kiss me, out
[03:28.47] That's when she kicked me, ouch
[03:30.24] I think she's trying to kick me out
[03:31.97] Just tell me if you wanna get me out
[03:33.57] I'm gone
[03:34.38]