Death Anxiety

If I don't drink I don't trust you
If I don't think I don't mean to
If I don't lie I'm not living
If I don't die you're forgiving
If I don't see it then I'm sorry
When asked if I knew I said "Hardly."
We all have differing opinions
Yet we all think we have the right ones
I still convince myself that I will never die
Like I lead some extra special life
As if the billions who've gone before me don't count
With such high amounts I still have my doubts
I don't think I was made for children
But how will I know unless I raise one
I found I cannot make a baby
Is it better than way? Maybe
I saw my grandmother during her open wake
They put so much make up on her face
As I stepped closer towards the woman that I knew
Her life shined through, she was dead yet made anew
I know I see Him when it's scary
I know I see Him when I'm happy
I know I see Him when I'm angry
But it could just be my death anxiety
I still convince myself that I will never die
Like I'm on some never-ending ride
As if the billions who've gone before me don't count
With such high amounts
I know how that sounds