my life is pointless

At this point I just wanna end my life
And it's something I can do very easily
But i know that if I do that my family and friends
Would be literally devastated
And have ptsd for the rest of their lives
I kinda don't want to do that to them but man I tell ya'll
It's getting really hard to live day to day in this world
Nothing good happens ever in my life, im not happy
My current living situation I got a job recently
And I had my first day yesterday it's cool and all but in all honesty
The money isn't making me happy any-
I don't know what i want in life I just feel like my life is pointless
And has no meaning I rarely enjoy doing things
And most of the time I just wanna sit in my bed
And sob in my own tears
I don't talk to anyone I don't vent to no one
I wanna disappoint anyone by killing myself
But honestly I'm really close to doing that
(Instrumental)
988 suicide hotline
You're not alone