December 4th

Shawn Carter was born December 4th
Weighing in at 10 pounds, 8 ounces
He was the last of my four children
The only one
Who didn't give me any pain when
I gave birth to him
And that's how I knew
That he was a special child
They say
"They never really miss you 'til you're
Dead or you're gone."
So on that note
I'm leaving after this song
So you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay, so long
At least let me tell you
Why I'm this way, hold on
I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adnis Reeves
Who made love under the sycamore tree
Which makes me a more sicker MC
And my momma would claim
At 10 pounds, when I was born
I didn't give her no pain
Although through the years
I gave her her fair share
I gave her her first real scare
I made up for birth when I got here
She knows my purpose wasn't purpose
I ain't perfect, I care
But I feel worthless 'cause my shirts
Wasn't matching my gear
Now I'm just scratching the surface
Cause what's buried under there
Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared
I went to school, got good grades
Could behave when I wanted
But I had demons deep inside that
Would raise when confronted
Shawn was a very shy child growing up
He was into sports, and a funny story is at 4
He taught himself how to ride a bike
A two-wheeler at that, isn't that special?
But I noticed a change in him
When me and my husband broke up
Now, all the teachers couldn't reach me
And my momma couldn't beat me
Hard enough to match
The pain of my pops not seeing me
So, with that disdain in my membrane
Got on my pimp game
Fuck the world, my defense came
Then DeHaven introduced me to the game
Spanish Jose introduced me to 'caine, I'm a hustler now
My gear is in and I'm in the in-crowd
And all the wavy light-skinned girls is loving me now
My self-esteem went through the roof, man
I got my swag
Got a Volvo from this girl
When her man got bagged
Plus I hit my momma
With cash from a show that I had
Supposedly, knowing nobody paid Jaz wack-ass
I'm getting ahead of myself; by the way
I could rap
But that came second to me moving this crack
"Gimme a second
I swear," I would say about my rap career
'Til '96 came, niggas, I'm here; goodbye!
Shawn used to be in the kitchen
Beating on the table and rapping until
The wee hours of the morning
And then I bought him a boom box
And his sisters and brothers said
He would drive them nuts
But that was my way
To keep him close to me and out of trouble
Goodbye to the game
All the spoils
The adrenaline rush
Your blood boils you in the spot
Knowing cops could rush
And you in a drop, you're so easy to touch
No two days are alike except the first
And fifteenth, pretty much
And "trust" is a word you seldom hear from us
Hustlers, we don't sleep, we rest one eye up
And the drought will define a man
When the well dries up
You learn the worth of water without work
You thirst 'til you die, yup!
And niggas get tied up for product
And little brothers' ring fingers get cut up
To show mothers they really got 'em
And this was the stress I lived with
'Til I decided to try this rap shit for a living
I pray I'm forgiven
For every bad decision I made
Every sister I played
'Cause I'm still paranoid to this day
And it's nobody's fault
I made the decisions I made
This is the life I chose, or rather
The life that chose me
If you can't respect that
Your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black
If you can't respect that
Your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black
Now if you can't respect that
Your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black
If you can't respect that
Your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade