Those Were the Days

By the way Glenn Miller Plays
Oh that Glenn Miller boy
Songs that made the hit parade
Guys like us we had it made (Hah)
Yeah, yeah we sure did
Those were the days
Ah
Yes indeed, remember like it was yesterday
Wondrous Chris Columbus set off to sail in the seven seas (land ho!)
Made it to the mainland and declared it as the West Indies
Then generously blessed the natives there with fresh identities
India, shmindia
Indians and the settlers
We grabbed us some friends from Gambia
best friends forever
These heavenly days of free blankets (those were the days)
Banquets and slumber parties 'til the seventeen seventies
Manifesting these destinies crafted the revolution
We beat the crap out the British then drafted the constitution
All men are created equal like negro people we traded
Upgraded from monkeys to a whole three-fifths of a human
Yuge
What an honor we were doing farmers and their
Cotton picking buddies croonin' (la la la la la)
Happy tunes
We lived civilly
Until we warred civilly kissed and then fixed the union good as new
Back before we freed the slaves
And they plowed these amber waves
Guys like me we had it made
Those were the days
Those were the days
Meanwhile in the kitchen women were wilin' out (wilin' out)
Choppin all sorts of salads, and shallots and sauerkraut (sauerkraut)
Those days were beauties shooting out babies like uzis
and never had wrist cramps from filling ballots out
Without a doubt
Women love to clean and scrub the grease off all the dishes
Didn't have to trip about politics cause the men made those decisions
Yeah World War I was a lot more fun
for the boys sent on those missions
Save your country and your liver
Come back home to prohibition
Pro was lit
Folks were pissed when the twenties came and went but
It gets better, let's make our depressions great again, the
Dirty thirties kids laughed with the sticky smudges
The polio kids all giggin' and gettin' jiggy on crutches
Who knew
In World War II those same kids grew up for deployment
While we watched atomic bombs drop on TV for pure enjoyment
Had separate but equal rights, we even had our own toilets
For colored people and whites 'til civil rights came and spoiled it
When we had parades
For Thanksgiving, not for gays
Guys like us we had it made (had it made)
Those were the days
Yeah
Remember the time the love of your life
meant husband and wife as marriage?
And wasn't it rad how everyone had a mom and a dad as parents?
And being a lady meant keeping a baby
and using a soft ass voice and shit
Girl we only wanted control of your body
so you wouldn't make the wrong choice with it
Hey
Boys will be boys
Now a man is a mom
Now they say that a dude is a dame (huh?)
There was a day when a dad was a dom (what?)
Remember when you could be swinging your
Dingaling giggling dropping the bomb (Those were the days)
Napalm on some militant commie guerillas and chilling in 'Nam
Like going to study abroad
Free vacay, just watch for the Dengue fever
Soldiers made peace with PTSD with the good old grade a-chiever
Or they stay with the Jay like Beyonce
But the best drugs come from the CIA
So they brought crack into Lipton
inspiring a whole population of people
Now pot's about to be legal
But doctors say that you're evil
For smoking a pack of your Camels
Or filling your tank up with diesel
These are the ways
That a decent American pays
This is a phase
But those were the days
Those were the days
It sucks now