Pornstar

I look at you on the Peloton
That I gave you Christmas Day
Those perfect legs just motorin'
Keepin' cellulite away
I never introduced you to my friends
But that's the price I have to pay
I locked you in the basement
And baby, that's where you will stay

You could've been a pornstar, baby
No guy with balls would disagree
You could've been a pornstar, baby
Takin' cum shots from Danny D
You could've been a pornstar
But you wound up with me

I see your six-pack flex and heave
When you're throwin' up your dinner
I know what it takes to make you gag
I'm convinced I picked a winner
I see their thoughts when they look at you
Pretty sure the word is "spinner"
Baby, if there really is a God
Then I was born to be a sinner

You could've been a pornstar, baby
You're every lowlife's fantasy
You could've been a pornstar, baby
You proved to me that I'm not gay
You could've been a pornstar
But you wound up with me

You can turn a cock-lovin' woman gay
With that magical vajay
And I'm gonna ruin it every day
'Til the thing is all stretched out and gray

You could do Victoria's Secret
If they that you existed
If Harvey Weinstein was still free
He wouldn't care if you resisted
If the Pope could watch you pray
I'm pretty sure that he would jack
I've done that while you sleep at night
I dropped a load right on your back

You could've been a pornstar, baby
You could be famous on the news
You could've been a pornstar, baby
Yeah, you're the stretchiest girl I've met
You could've been a pornstar, baby
You're every teenager's fantasy
You could've been a pornstar
But you wound up with me
You could've been a pornstar
But you wound up with me