be my cardiographer

I'm falling for guys in glasses again
I melt when they're passing by, still I tend
To bury hands in the pockets of this oversized jacket

On the same old subway in a different town
But I still can't fucking find my own way around
I really need some kind of guide to let me know

If what I need, and what it takes
Is just to learn from my mistakes
It's been so long since I haven't felt shame
I've changed so much, I'm still the same

Flattened map, loaded guns
Only I need someone
To be my cardiographer
So when conditions get rough, I'll know where I can land

There's a skittish animal afraid of the light
And it's made a home out of my insides
Boy, it makes me know when to call it there for the night

Freeze in place when the headlights find me
Everything that could go wrong, will, in time
Gotta stop the bastard from gnawing in the dark

And I'm overdue to raise the stakes
But there's too much I have to fake
It's been so long since I haven't felt shame
At least I know where to put the blame

So on I live, and still I pray
Someone will find me someday
And be my cardiographer
So when conditions get rough, I'll know where I can land

There must be something wrong with my heart
Oh it beats in time but
When I lay down to rest
I can feel it try to break out of my chest