Couch Potato

[00:02.61] Look
[00:05.32] If you had
[00:07.44] One shot
[00:09.34] To sit on your lazy butt
[00:11.91] And watch all the TV you ever wanted
[00:14.55] Until your brain turned to mush
[00:17.18] Would you go for it?
[00:19.33] Or just let it slip?
[00:20.96] Yo
[00:22.05] Remote is ready
[00:23.39] Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
[00:25.02] There's Flintstones on the TV already
[00:26.76] Wilma 'n' Betty
[00:27.67] No virgin to channel surfin'
[00:29.55] And I'm HD-ready
[00:30.56] So I flip
[00:31.60] Garbage is all I'm getting
[00:33.17] There's Simon Cowell
[00:34.23] Who folks wanna disembowel
[00:36.10] He opens his mouth
[00:37.27] Always says something foul
[00:38.86] They're dyin', wow
[00:39.93] Wannabes are crying now
[00:41.60] He votes them out
[00:42.75] Time to throw in the towel
[00:44.41] Shows based on reality
[00:46.17] Oh, the humanity!
[00:47.41] Oh, Ozzy's family
[00:48.96] Sho' loves profanity
[00:50.28] Whoa, the insanity
[00:51.79] Oh, dogs that crap and pee
[00:53.27] Home of depravity?
[00:54.20] No, they live happily
[00:55.93] Yo
[00:56.41] Plus Da Ali G Show
[00:57.61] And Celebrity Mole
[00:59.18] Oh, and there's Anna Nicole
[01:00.40] Well, she's scaring me
[01:01.55] Look ma, no cavities
[01:02.85] Oh, it's a station break
[01:04.25] Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
[01:06.65] You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV
[01:08.79] They told me, they'd scold me
[01:10.22] But I'd still tune in every show (Show)
[01:11.92] My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
[01:14.93] The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (Yo)
[01:17.78] You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV
[01:20.03] They told me, cajoled me
[01:21.31] Turn off those music videos (No)
[01:23.22] I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
[01:26.03] The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (Yo)
[01:29.08] (You're gonna)
[01:29.37] My butt is aching
[01:30.55] As I watch NASCAR racing
[01:32.49] That show about undertaking
[01:34.33] Larry King
[01:35.47] To 24 to
[01:36.56] Law And Order
[01:37.55] The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes's ancient reporters
[01:41.83] Next up on E! True Hollywood Story
[01:44.65] The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
[01:47.34] Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'
[01:50.80] CSI: Boise and Touched By An Uncle both sound pretty lame 'n'
[01:54.56] So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond
[01:57.27] And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute
[02:00.21] I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
[02:02.68] I'll move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter
[02:07.15] Then I bet
[02:07.91] I watch The Bachelorette
[02:09.03] Followed by Welcome Back, Kotter
[02:10.91] And The Muppet Show where they go 'Mahna Mahna'
[02:13.48] You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[02:15.89] They told me, they'd scold me
[02:17.40] But I'd still tune in every show
[02:19.09] My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
[02:21.82] The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime
[02:24.63] You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[02:26.98] They told me, cajoled me
[02:28.45] But I still love Lisa Kudrow (Drow)
[02:30.14] I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
[02:33.10] The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (You're gonna)
[02:36.50] Never missed Melrose Place or Lost In Space
[02:38.62] I've seen each Amazing Race and Without A Trace
[02:41.48] But I only watched Will And Grace one time one day
[02:44.25] Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
[02:47.02] Oh, and Fear Factor I watched maybe a half hour
[02:50.21] After that, felt like I needed a long shower
[02:52.92] Network execs with naked ambitions
[02:55.79] Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians
[02:58.57] Like to tie up those programming planners
[03:01.55] Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like Scanners
[03:05.54] Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on Survivor
[03:08.31] Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
[03:12.35] And there's Gilligan and and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver
[03:15.30] And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a
[03:18.48] Special all Pig-Latin episode of Drew Carey
[03:20.76] Wanna turn on E.T. 'cause I'm a gossip freak
[03:23.48] And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
[03:26.04] A 30 second spot
[03:27.38] Then we come back to Are You Hot?
[03:28.82] I was planning on recording The Sopranos
[03:31.55] I forgot
[03:32.46] I love shows with or without a plot
[03:34.51] I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
[03:37.35] Because I only have got
[03:38.85] One brain to rot
[03:39.93] I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
[03:42.68] You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[03:45.04] They told me, they'd scold me
[03:46.59] But I'd still tune in every show (Show)
[03:48.22] My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
[03:50.14] The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (Yo)
[03:53.78] You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, cajoled me
[03:58.15] Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (No)
[03:59.33] I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
[04:02.53] The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (You're gonna)
[04:07.18] You can watch anything you want to, man
[04:08.95]