Self Gratification

"She insists she's in love with me, whatever that is
What she means is she prefers a senseless pain
We inflict on each other to the pain
We would otherwise inflict on ourselves
But I'm not afraid of that solitary pain."

To whom am I doing this
And what do I have to gain?
From where is this coming
And why am I drifting?
Will I ever realize
That self-gratification
Takes many forms?
I absolve myself
Of a recurring pattern
Of selfish abuse
Which ends in a collapsing spiral
Of total emptiness