Tricky Dicky

Ladies and gentlemen
Please welcome, all the way from Eccleston
Via Melbourne, Bendigo and Waimea

Former member of the House of Representatives
For Hokitika, Kumara and Westland
And still
Undisputed longest-serving Prime Minister of New Zealand
Eat your heart out, John Key
Richard "King Dick" Seddon!

Hello, my name is Richard
But please, call me Dick
Dick!
It'll be my pleasure to practise some realpolitik
My middle name is John
My surname is Seddon
And I promise to prevent this female Armageddon

I owned a pub at Kumara

Where?

A little place near Hokitika

Okay!

But now I'm back in Welly-woo
With backhanders from Big Liquor

Backhanders!

The only reason that they want the vote
Is to turn this country dry
Well, that ain't gonna happen under my watch
Under that you can rely

So say my name
King Dicky, King Dicky
And what's my game?
He's tricky, he's tricky
Say my name again
Tricky Dicky, Tricky Dicky
Who's that I came
King Dicky, King Dicky

So say my name
King Dicky, King Dicky
And what's my game?
He's tricky, he's tricky
Say my name again
Tricky Dicky, Tricky Dicky
Who's that I came

Hello New Zealand, I'm back!
Who wants a bit of Dick in their lives?
You do!
Thirteen years on top and
I'm still the longest-serving Prime
Ministerial Dick in New Zealand history!
And don't you forget it, bitches!

You can't reason with women
No way!
It's quite ineffectual
I'm not anti-women
Not gay!
Just anti-intellectual

I'll appeal to the common man
I'll stop the sisters in their tracks
So the only time that they'll get polled
Is laying on their backs

And they'll scream my name
King Dicky, King Dicky
They love my game
He's tricky, he's tricky
Say my name again
Tricky Dicky, Tricky Dicky
Who's that I came
King Dicky, King Dicky

Just say my name
King Dicky, King Dicky
And what's my name?
He's tricky, he's tricky
Say my name again
Tricky Dicky, Tricky Dicky
Who's that I came
King Dicky, King Dicky

Dick, Dick, we love Dick!
I can't hear you!
Dick, Dick, we love Dick!
Go on, admit it, you love Dick!

Dick, Dick, we love Dick!
Oh, I know you love Dick, baby
Dick, Dick, we love Dick!
Everybody drop your voice, I love Dick!

Rap it, dickwad!

Yeah, yeah
I'm the premier Premier
The prescient President
The paternalistic populist of Parlimentary residence
A stonewall suffrage day and night
And they'll never win the fray
And I'll surround myself with sycophants
And this is what they'll say

They'll scream my name
King Dicky, King Dicky
They love my game
He's tricky, he's tricky
Say my name again
Tricky Dicky, Tricky Dicky
Who's that I came
King Dicky, King Dicky

Just scream my name
King Dicky, King Dicky
Cause you love my game
He's tricky, he's tricky
Say my name again
Tricky Dicky, Tricky Dicky
All that I came
King Dicky, King Dicky

Dick! Dick! You love Dick!