Steppin' in Fer Santa

Well Santa got his bad self
Banged up on Christmas Eve
He had a Boozy Boys’ Brunch
It escalated like you wouldn’t believe
I must’a got the phone call about a quarter to eight
It might’ve been a wrong number, but I said “okay”
Steppin’ In Fer Santa
Now my buddy Frankie Five
He got a souped up Chevy Tocuma
Steppin’ In Fer Santa
He pulled right up to my place and said
“Duncan I done heard the rumour”
Steppin’ In Fer Santa
I said “Every single word of that shit is true
Five, I’ve got presents to deliver
Can I ride with you?”
Steppin’ In Fer Santa
Well me and Frankie Five
Put the pedal to the road and we rolled
Steppin’ in fer Santa
Boy we were tearin’ up the tarmac
First stop, the North Pole
S…
I asked if Frankie had space
For the presents in the trunk
He said “How many presents?”
I said “Boy are you blind drunk?”
Two boys steppin’ in fer Santa
Two boys steppin’ in fer Santa tonight
We pulled up to the North Pole at exactly 12.34
I told Frankie keep the engine runnin’
While I go and knock on the door
Those elves didn’t have a clue
Who me and Frankie were
I said “You want this done or not?”
They shrugged and said “Yeah, sure”
Now we’d done about forty houses
By the time the Chevy dash read 2
At this point we done realised
We might’a bit off more than we could chew
Now when Frankie’s at the wheel he go like dynamite
But can he do the whole damn planet
In a single night?
Go Frankie, go go go!
About three months later I’m awoken
By a knock on my door
I open up and see Santa
Holdin’ two cans of beer on the porch
He said “Son, do you mind if I pick your mind?”
I said “crack’em open, Nicky
It’s about damn time!”
Three months later, Santa came to visit
Santa came to visit Frankie Five’s best friend
Frankie Frankie Frankie Frankie Five!