Fixation

Crooked; misshapen
Pathetic fixation
Apoptosis is a gift
I’m too disgusting to receive
The suffering is the reason
Otherwise there is no me
Every doubt is stitched
Into the turgor of my skin
Every failure written
Is a failure I have lived
This birth was a deceit
And I still hate this flesh, transfixed
My light was never meant
And I will snuff it from within
This is my truth
There is no point in hiding the truth
The truth is that
I’m only ever handsome with a knife against my neck
I’m so stupid for regretting words before they’re even
said
It’s embarrassing I ever thought that I could be
important
All I do is take up space for the people who deserve it
No matter what test I pass
No matter what goal I reach
I will never be
Good enough for me
Char my remains
I refuse to nourish this earth