My Random Roomate

One thing that scares me about, like, Craigslist and stuff is, like
People go on there and they find random roommates. That's a
Terrifying proposition to me. Like, the one time I had a random
Roommate, it did not go well. Like, I would come in the room and it
Always smelled like tuna. And I'd be like, "Whoa, not in my top five
Smells for the room to have. Why does it always smell like tuna?"
And it's 'cause this guy liked to eat cans of StarKist tuna all the
Time. And you know when the juice is there at the bottom when you're
Finished? He'd shoot the juice back like a tequila shot. Yes
I agree, it's disgusting. If you'd approach me on the street like, "
Hey, Aziz, what's the most disgusting thing you can catch a new
Roommate doing?" I'd be like, "Drinking the tuna juice at the bottom
Of a StarKist tuna can." You'd be like, "Man, that's a really
Specific answer." There's other things, like, he played the flute all
The time. Nothing wrong with playing the flute, but he'd only play
One song on the flute. Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On," the
Theme song to Titanic. If you'd approach me on the street like, "
Hey, Aziz, what's the most annoying song a dude could play on the
Flute all the time?" I'd be like, "Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go
On,' the theme song to Titanic." And you'd be like, "Goddamn, you're
Really good at this game." But the craziest thing was towards the
End of our time together, he was acting really weird, and I didn't
Know what was going on. So I asked a friend of his, I was like, "
Hey man, what's up with this guy?" And he goes, "Oh, he thinks he's
Possessed... by Scar, the evil lion from The Lion King movies." Oh
Yes, that happens, sure. If you'd approach me on the street like, "
Hey, Aziz, what's the most random Disney villain a kid could think
He's possessed by?" I'd be like, "Scar, the evil lion from The Lion
King movies." And you'd be like, "Err, sorry, it's actually the
Hockey team from Iceland in The Mighty Ducks 2." Now, I have a small
Update on that joke. I was looking around on the internet one day
And I saw this blog had written about me. And I looked in the
Comments thread, and some guy had written, "I live with this guy
He's a douchebag." It was that fucking guy! Oh, really? I'm a
Douchebag, huh? Well, you don't tell all these people about how
You did tuna juice shots all day, just having... Nah-nah, nah-
Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah. Oh, you don't talk about that
You just say I'm a douchebag. Well, if I'm a douchebag, this is
What I'm gonna do. I'm gonna find out where that guy lives, right?
And go outside his house, like, outside his window, real late at
Night, right? And wait 'til it's, like, really late, and I'm
Just gonna go, "Haaaa zuginyaa, dawiyo." And he'd be like, "No!
The demons! They're back! Scar, get away from me, leave me alone!
" What I should have done was just went on the comments thread
Under the username "Hyenas" and wrote, "Watch out, motherfucker!"