That Awful Day (Explicit)

Well I got home and the door was locked
So I tried to ring the bell
I found a little bitty note she had wrote
Tellin' me to go to hell
I crawled in the window, I got inside
She kicked me in the balls and then I cried
Called me a name, said I lied
Kicked me again and I thought I'd died
Took my clothes, set 'em on fire
And hit me with her curlin' iron
I tried to block it with my watch
And then she kicked me in the crotch again
Today's the day my wife met my girlfriend

Well I tried to tell her but she didn't care
Things weren't what they seemed
She had a pan on the stove full of boilin' water
And my nads would soon be steamed
I tried to run and scream for help
She hit me in the nuts with a rhinestone belt
It was like nothin' that I ever felt
I thank God I wasn't wearin' a kilt
She grabbed a bat from beneath the bed
Swung it once, missed my head
She reared back, swung it again
And then she hit me in the twins again
Today's the day my wife met my girlfriend

Yeah, today's that awful day
Hey, my boys won't be the same
Yeah, today's the day my wife met my girlfriend