Val Kilmer

[00:00.72] I always thought my movie would be a comedy
[00:05.27] Not quite the tragedy that it's become
[00:09.02] More slapstick than chick-flick
[00:12.16] More 'Caddyshack' than 'Breakfast At Tiffany's'
[00:15.80] So, thank me at the podium
[00:19.07] For a lifetime of contribution
[00:22.43] Turn on the cameras, someone cue the extras
[00:25.66] Hair and makeup, to the set
[00:29.36] Because the big screen's calling
[00:30.71] Final casting call
[00:32.79] It's your big shot, baby
[00:34.63] You're the next big star
[00:36.23] Of another stupid movie
[00:37.57] 'Bout a guy with a broken heart
[00:39.12] Who's falling apart
[00:43.13] You're headed for the cutting room floor
[00:44.44] (Headed for the cutting room floor)
[00:45.23] And in the sequel, honey
[00:47.39] I'm the guy who gets the girl
[00:54.29] So if you miss my movie, get the DVD
[00:58.49] Check out the chemistry between you and me
[01:01.86] Less 'Raising Arizona'
[01:05.36] More 'Steel Magnolias'
[01:08.73] So when you walk down that red carpet
[01:11.94] I hope you trip and fall
[01:15.64] I hope someone squirts you with a water gun
[01:19.02] A super soaker filled with pee
[01:22.27] Because the big screen's calling
[01:23.88] Final casting call
[01:24.80] It's your big shot, baby
[01:27.54] You're the next big star
[01:29.00] Of another stupid movie
[01:30.67] 'Bout a guy with a broken heart
[01:33.86] Who's falling apart
[01:35.97] You're headed for the cutting room floor
[01:37.87] (Headed for the cutting room floor)
[01:39.13] And in the sequel, honey
[01:40.90] I'm the guy who gets the girl
[01:43.43] All apologies to Kevin Costner
[01:47.60] And that chick from 'Monster'
[01:49.22] Give me Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell
[01:53.43] Belushi and even Val Kilmer
[01:56.94] He was funny in 'Real Genius'
[02:00.34] What about 'Top Gun'?
[02:01.71] No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny, whatever
[02:04.06] 'Top Secret' was funny too
[02:07.58] But he sucked as Batman
[02:09.36] Because the big screen's calling
[02:11.30] Final casting call
[02:12.87] It's your big shot, baby
[02:14.15] You're the next big star
[02:15.68] Of another dumb movie
[02:17.24] 'Bout a guy with a broken heart
[02:20.12] I'm falling apart
[02:22.22] Steven Spielberg's calling
[02:23.98] And he's sending a car
[02:25.77] It's your big shot, baby
[02:27.34] You're the next big star
[02:29.16] Of another stupid movie
[02:30.76] 'Bout a guy with a broken heart
[02:33.34] Who's falling apart
[02:35.70] You're headed for the cutting room floor
[02:37.66] (Headed for the cutting room floor)
[02:38.92] And in the sequel, honey
[02:40.87] I'm the guy who gets the girl
[02:46.83] Who gets the girl
[02:49.28] I'm the guy that gets the girl
[02:52.11] (Adam Sandler, Will Ferrel, Belushi and Akroid)
[02:55.84] Who gets the girl
[02:58.22] (Chris Farley, Bill Murray in Stripes)
[02:59.51] I'm the guy that gets the girl
[03:00.86] (Eddie Murphy 'til 90, Chris Rock and John Candy)
[03:02.76] Who gets the girl
[03:04.55] (The cast of Hollywood Knights)
[03:05.81] I'm the guy that gets the girl
[03:07.47] (Mike Myers, Jim Carry and the Farelly Brothers)
[03:08.52] Who gets the girl
[03:10.39] (Are more my style)
[03:11.93] I'm the guy that gets the girl
[03:13.72] (Terms Of Endearment, I didn't get it)
[03:14.87] Who gets the girl
[03:16.29] (I'd much rather shut up and smile)
[03:17.50] I'm the guy that gets the girl
[03:18.51] (Adam Sandler, Will Ferrel, Belushi and Akroid)
[03:19.62] Who gets the girl
[03:20.92] (Chris Farley, Bill Murray in Stripes)
[03:22.00] I'm the guy that gets the girl
[03:23.09] (Eddie Murphy 'til 90, Chris Rock and John Candy)
[03:23.86] Who gets the girl
[03:24.66] (The cast of Hollywood Knights)
[03:25.44] I'm the guy that gets the girl
[03:26.21]