I'm a Sucker

I'm throwing snowballs at cop cars
While doing the Marty Mcfly on your back bumper
I wish I could go back to juvie and make an adult movie With my PO
she was so nice what a bummer

There's no glory in post euphoria
Only the most glorified morning wood poking your cornea
Poor me, my charming life affords a cornucopia
Of vainglorious fornicating now raise a 40 up
Over dramatic like a lethal weapon saxophone
Everybody knows your name you're so Sam Malone
I dry heave charm with the screams of a car alarm
While getting my pubes permed in a burning barnyard
Ain't it cute? We should be friends til the end
And co-star in a commercial for the mentally scared
I started a hopeless romantics anonymous
So I could find a new chick to double my blocks populous
accommodating with a can of pop and a kiss
Expectations are low so every results an accomplishment
I've been a mess since middle school
Every since I saw my first nipple swimmin in the kiddie pool

I'm a sucker for a pretty face and a paycheck
Spending it all and I haven't been paid yet
Making the big bucks!
I'm a part time pity party and a full time mess
I'm a part time pity party and a full time mess

I started wearing skinnier and skinnier jeans
trying to be a spiffier me with a little hippy in between
smoking pot was the only thing we had in common
so I tried chiefing like a miniature fiend
Now I can't trust a chick that can't roll a joint with one hand
let alone one that plays drums in a dumb band
I went tanning! I went fucking tanning!
I can pitch a mean tent but I can do that without camping
I've been domesticated even though I hate it
seen all the piece of shit twilight movies so underrated
I found religion in denial
and comfort in having your parents on speed dial
metaphorically speaking I accepted testical dismemberment
and paid for his and hers gym memberships
all because I was under the influence
of the greatest girls I'd ever met until they ended it

I'm a sucker for a pretty face and a paycheck
Spending it all and I haven't been paid yet
Making the big bucks!
I'm a part time pity party and a full time mess
I'm a part time pity party and a full time mess

I got a big heart
I got a big bark
I got big huh hm uhh hmm
Depending on the size of her... hands...
yeah