Satisfaction Guaranteed

So, how was I?

Oh, well, you were... good

Ha ha, you mean good or unbelievable?

Oh, stop it! I can't take it anymore! You were terrible. I didn't
Get any pleasure. Not only didn't the earth move, the bed barely
Rocked. Oh, I wish there was something I could do about it

Hello! Did you ever wish you could sue someone because they didn't
Satisfy you sexually? Well, good news: now you can! At Jacoby
Meyers & Masters & Johnson, we have a large staff of
Sexually experienced attorneys who want to get into
Your bedroom and get you the orgasm you deserve. Let's
Take a look at a typical couple engaged in lovemaking

Lower... higher... lower... higher...

Ow! Ow! Watch your knees!

Ow!

Not very appealing, and all too familiar. Now
Let's take a look at the same couple with a Jacoby
Meyers & Masters & Johnson attorney present!

I'm sorry, Mr. Elliott, but your contract states you must be
Nibbling her neck. And, Miss Courtland, his feet must be fondled

Oh, right, right, right, oh, oh, oh...

Ha ha ha ha ha! See how easy it is when you let a no-nonsense
Litigator handle the negotiations of lovemaking? Your initial
Consultation is just twenty-five dollars, and
Your fee could be a portion of your settlement
Should your partner fail to satisfy your fetishes

I got five thousand dollars because he missed my G-spot!

And I got ten thousand dollars because she wouldn't go down on me!

At Jacoby & Meyers & Masters & Johnson, if your
Partner doesn't get you off, we get you money!