Blackwolf

Enter my dark chambers if thou wouldst dare
The wisdom of the multiverse I keep in my lair
I shall regale you with legends of warriors and elves
Then you'll go home and he'll play with himself

'Cause I'm Blackwolf! Yes! The Dragonmaster
Blackwolf! That most almighty sage
Blackwolf! So many beasts have I slayed
I'm four thousand years old and he's never been laid

I can school you in the ancient craft of the mage
At the Renaissance Faire, 'tis all the rage
Yes, my sorcery is well known throughout the land
Yes, he can make his dick grow with just one hand

'Cause I'm Blackwolf! Yes! The Dragonmaster
Blackwolf! The lowest hero of the low
Blackwolf! Whose hateful minions know
Yes, his parents gave up on him years ago

I serve the High King on Rheem
Yes, since he got fired from the DMV
I shall duel you with the utmost aplomb
Just don't be too loud or you'll wake up his mom
I proudly don me wizard's frock
He cleans up after himself with a sock
I seize me trusty staff from that vanquished black knight
Yes, it was purchased online at a dildo site

'Cause I'm Blackwolf! Yes! The Dragonmaster
Blackwolf! Heir to the Archmage's throne
To none save myself are me masterplans known
Yes, here's a spoiler: you will die alone

I'm a proud descendant of the noblest of clans
Yes, he paid for that beard by collecting cans
Are those pig's ears you're sporting
That I see by its smell is working?
His home life's been awkward since mom caught him jerking
I've maged in the presence of beloved King Arthur
The action figure up his ass can't go any farther
I dance with the satyrs as the stars shine above me
Yes, then he spews on a photo of David Duchovny
I can take the finest peaches and turn them orange

Orange? Eh

Checkmate! You masturbate and can't get a date
You'll never copulate except for dolls you inflate
And then penetrate, yes, I'd estimate
You'll be celibate till Ally McBeal gains weight
And then there's a Palestinian state
Yes, you're a candidate for me to defecate on
I got one more
A clitoris you can't locate
But who can? A-one, two, three!

'Cause he's Blackwolf! (Ouch, twaddle)
The Dragonmaster
Blackwolf! That's exactly who I am
Yes, I'm Blackwolf! The noble man
He slays the beast
Then I slam me ham
Blackwolf! (Ouch, twaddle)