The Legendary Beer

I was driving west on a dusty track
Heading for the great outback
Wishing I was back in Sydney town
When through the haze of heat and dust
I saw a heap of wood and rust
With a battered Toohey sign hanging down

So I hit the anchors mighty hard
And I turned into the shanty yard
Pulled up there right by the Toohey sign
On a piece of wood above the door
The words that I'd been looking for
License to sell spirits, beer and wine

So out I got and in I went
And I thanked the Lord of the firmament
For that haven in this dusty lane
And by the bar upon a stool
Sat one of them old desert fools
With a foaming mug of beer right by his hand

Well I said to the hag behind the bar
Now honey stay right where you are
The chances are I'll drink this puddle dry
Her lips were tight and mean and thin
She gave a kind of nasty grin
Said son you wouldn't be the first to try

She reached the dusty bottle down
Then levered off its rusty crown
And put it down beside a dirty glass
And as I poured the liquid out
Three old dead flies swam out the spout
And a shiver went right down into my spine

By now my thirst was nearly gone
With a fit of temper coming on
I said you can pour that stuff right down the drain
I wouldn't drink it if it was free
I'd rather drink an old ram's pee
And I won't be back here in this place again

With these few words the old desert rat
Pulled a forty-four from beneath his hat
And put it right up there beside my head
He said son you'll drink that bottle dry
Or the coroner will be wondering why
Such a fancy fellow got himself so dead

So I swallowed that polluted beer
Though it made me stomach mighty queer
And the old coot said now son you've done just fine
He spat upon the bar room floor
Handed me his forty-four
And said now hold this thing on me
While I drink mine