Jessica Alba's Number

When I'm watching TV
Girls are all I see
They're singing and dancing and acting and modelling
None of them would look at me
If I went to Jessica Simpson
She'd think I was an ignoramus
And if I tried to talk to Cameron Diaz
She'd say, "Get lost, boy, I'm famous"
All the women 'round here
Have BO or they have Rolls
Some lucky bloke right now is probably hugging Beyoncé Knowles

If I had Jessica Alba's number
I'd call her right up
And I'd ask her what she's doing at half past three
And then I'd ask her if she'd marry me
If I had Jessica Alba's number
I'd be the luckiest guy in the world
I'd be the luckiest guy in the universe
And then some dick would try to steal her purse
So I'd smack him in the head with my mobile phone
And I'd say, "Hey, mister, leave Jessy alone"

If I had Jessica Alba's number
If I had Jessica Alba's number
If I had Jessica Alba's number
If I had Jessica Alba's number

When fit girls get shot in films
I'm always in tears
I'd like to go see Toy Story 2
With just me and Britney Spears
And she'd say, "Hit me, baby, one more time"
And I'd say, "No way, Britney, domestic violence is a crime"
I like the one from Showgirls
When she's dancing 'round them poles
Or the really, really fit one
Who sings in The Pussycat Dolls
I've nearly got a moustache
And they still wouldn't talk to me
Kate Winslet naked in Titanic
Or the lesbian from The OC

If I had Jessica Alba's number
I'd call her right up
And I'd ask her what she's doing at half past three
And then I'd ask her if she'd marry me
If I had Jessica Alba's number
I'd be the luckiest guy in the world
I'd be the luckiest guy in the universe
And then some dick would try to steal her purse
So I'd smack him in the head with my mobile phone
And I'd say, "Hey, mister, leave Jessy alone"

If I had Jessica Alba's number
If I had Jessica Alba's number
If I had Jessica Alba's number
If I had Jessica Alba's number

If I had Jennifer Lopez's number
Or Kate Nash's number
Or the girl that was in Transformers' number
Or Jessica Alba's number