7 Xanax, Glass of Wine

Yesterday, two days ago, I did a gig where I performed, uh, a jig on
Stage. I jigged and jagged a little bit too hard, and consequently
Threw my lower back out. So if you see me hobbling around the
Stage like a sixty-seven-year-old man, precisely sixty-seven years
Old, that is why. I have taken eleven Xanax, one glass of wine

And some Robitussin. I'd like to sing a song about it, because
There are not a lot of songs about that particular combination of
Drugs. Oh, you get your songs about, "I smoked a J and had some
Alcohol," you know what I mean? But you don't get, like, the real
Shit, you know what I mean? 'Cause this is the stuff that we do
On weekends, isn't it, right? Know what I mean? Like, you're like
You're just totally bored or whatever. You, like, raid your
Friend's medicine, you know what I'm saying? And they have all this
Unused narcotics, know what I mean? So you're like, "Can I use
These?" And they're like, "I don't care." You're like, "Fuck yeah!"