To Learn

What can I say?
I'm learning to lie
But I'm living to learn
What to lie about
I'm losing again
From holding too tight
But I'm living to lose
What I can do without
I've played a few games
Where no score could be fitting
But I'm learning when winning's
Just not worth the sport
And I've been so ashamed
That I've run like the wind
But I'm learning about giving up
And sparing the horse
When I've been cruel
I've taken up self-hatred
Procrastinating pains
Of finally seeing myself
But when I looked on the truth
And it bloomed for all its patience
There was ugliness and shame
But there was something else
What can I say?
I'm learning to die
But I'm living to learn