Alone at a Party

Filling in my calendar
Every hour with stuff to do
If I can't stop to think of it
I won't have time for missing you
I haven't called up my family
I'm avoiding my oldest friends
Maybe I'll just make some new ones
So I don't have to pretend I'm happy
Alone at the party you came

I don't know what I'm supposed to do
I can't hate you and trust me I've tried to
How long is this supposed to take?
Cause I love you and I need that to change

Maybe it was destructive
To go catch a crush
I built this up into something
That it never was
But if my memory serves me
Like my self worth rarely does
This started just like the ending
Trying to play it cool enough
And leaving with an awkward hug

I don't know what I'm supposed to do
I can't hate you and trust me I've tried to
How long is this supposed to take?
Cause I love you and I need that to change

We joke that this would be easier
For whoever cared less
I guess that makes me the loser
But I'm trying my best

I don't know what I'm supposed to do
I can't hate you and trust me I've tried to
How long is this supposed to take?
Cause I love you, I don't want that to change
I need it to change