Little Blue Riding Hood

The story of Little Blue Riding Hood is True
Only the color has been changed to prevent an investigation

This is the woods, my name is Wednesday, I work outa' homicide
Monday, February the 2nd, 10:22 A.M
Bumped into Chicken Lickin, told me the sky was falling
I booked her on a 614, turned her over to the psychiatrist
Then a call came in on a 503, when I was on my way to the 503 a 618 came in
I added up the 614, the 503 and the 618, got 1735
I handed in my paper to the Chief, he corrected it, gave me 100 percent
Patted me on the head, told me I was a good cop

11:45 A.M, it happened, I saw a little girl in a blue hood carrying a basket
I stopped to question her, Pardon me, ma'am, could I talk to you for just a minute, ma'am
What about
Nothing much ma'am, just wanna ask you few questions Ma'am, what's your name?
Little Blue Riding Hood
Where ya' going, ma'am?
Grandma's house

Yes, ma'am, whad'ya got in the basket?
Whad'ya trying to say, I got something in the basket I shouldn't have
No ma'am, I didn't say that
Then whad'ya asking me all these questions for
Just routine ma'am, we just wanna' get the facts
May I have a look in the basket, ma'am
Be my guest

Let's see, Saws-off shotgun, knife, bludgeon, box of dum-dum shells
Nothing suspicious here, alright ma'am
We may want to talk to you later, so don't leave the woods

She skipped on down the path
But she didn't know I'd seen the concealed compartment in the basket
In it, what I'd suspected all along, goodies
My job, get to grandma's before she did
I took a shortcut through the strawberry patch
It was sort of a strawberry shortcut
I walked up to the cottage, rang the bell
Coming, dear

Ok, grandma, it's a raid
A raid? why
I'm just a peace-loving old lady, you've got the wrong grandma
Yes ma'am, we just wanna get the facts
Where'd you get that bump on your head
The sky fell on me this morning

I made a note to book her on a 614 and turn her over to the psychiatrist
I tied her up, put her in the closet
Then I put on the grandma suit and got into bed
Come in, ma'am

Hello, grandma, I got the loot, what're you doin' in bed
I'm feeling poorly
But gramma, what big ears you have
All the better to get the facts, I just wanna get the facts, ma'am
But gramma, what a big subpoena you have in your pocket
All the better to serve you with
But gramma, what a big 38 police special you have pointed at me

All the better to take you in, your under arrest
You and your grandma are operating a goodies ring
A cop, I shoulda' known
Known what, ma'am
You look nothing like my gramma, you forgot about the mustache
But I don't have a mustache
I know, but gramma does

Well, I see you broke the goodies ring
How'd you get a lead on 'er, Joe
I just played a hunch, Frank, it was just a hunch, I played my luck
Sometimes a hunch pays off, sometimes it doesn't
I was just lucky, I just played a hunch, Frank

What you're trying to say, Joe?
Is you just played a hunch, a lucky guess
Sometimes a hunch pays off, sometimes it doesn't
You just played a hunch
Is that what you're trying to tell me, Joe?
Yeah, I just played a hunch