Cheapest Lasik Surgery

Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it
Gives me great pride to welcome to the stage the
Best comedian that ever lived, Jeff Foxworthy

I gotta tell... I really appreciate Ron being a part of this. He
Had to leave a New Year's Eve party to be here tonight. I'm not
Saying Ron drinks, but I hugged him and my vision is blurry

Speaking of blurry vision, I got, I got to point this out. I saw
A billboard here in Washington, D.C. advertising for the, uh

Vision correction surgery. The billboard claimed that they have
The cheapest LASIK in town. And I'm thinking, if you're gonna be
Operating on my eyeballs with a laser beam, I don't want the cheapest
In town. I want somebody that takes a little pride in their work
I don't want to be walking around hanging on to a German Shepherd
By a harness bragging, "I just saved a bundle on my LASIK surgery!"

And if they decided to go with cheapest in town, what slogan did
They pass up? "Hey, some of our patients actually kind of see
A little bit better." "If it doesn't work, think of the money
You'll save on light bulbs." I mean, I like saving money, I just
Don't think medical procedures are where you want to do it

I don't want the cheapest vasectomy in town. Climbing into a
Truck behind a convenience store and the guy going, "You got the
Twenty bucks? Alright, listen, bite down on this rag so you don't
Scream. I can't have the neighbors calling the police again."
A couple of slogans with a vasectomy I wouldn't want to
Hear, like, "Half off," uh... "Buy one, get one free!"
I don't even know how that would work, uh... "Everything
Must go!" "No, most of it better be staying, Rufus."