This Is Not Me

Silence
Numbing
Stop the
Noisy
Chatter in the head
Need something else instead
Breathe in
Zoning
And I fly when I'm high
And I soar out the door
And it's calming
Out looking in
And I run into him
And it's haunting
So drawling
But this is not me
Searching
Waiting
All the while
Playing
They all think they know
Putting on the show
Curtain
Closing
And I dream in between everyone's public scene
'Cause I'm lonely
And at night, an excuse
Another chance to abuse
What I'm hiding
What I'm fighting
And he'll say
"How are you today?"
And I see in his eyes
He thinks that we're that way
I was gone, I was fucked
I was blacked out and drunk, okay?
Don't accuse me
Don't push me
Don't touch me
Don't love me
Easy
Leaving
Brushing off the guilt
But deep down I feel
That maybe we are real
Now I cry when I'm high
And I run to no one
'Cause he's hurting
Guess the pain that I cause
When I'm not under a drug
Is long-lasting
Well screw it, I'm fine
Light up another line
And I'm growing
And I'm thriving
I'm the one who's surviving
He's so weak
And I will not concede
This is not me