The Perfect Tuck

Have you ever traveled far to some dicey little bar
To see your favorite drag queen on the stage?
And she's dancin' and she's workin'
And she's got the twinks all twerkin'
As she's rubbin' up against the go-go cage
Then you see that queen start bendin'
For the perfect death drop endin'
And you're just about to tip the girl a buck
When the club becomes a wreck
'Cause out slips her bishop in a turtleneck, oh my
And it could have been prevented
With just the perfect tuck
Since some of you are still havin' problems
I'm gonna teach you the perfect tuck now
It's kinda my thing, here we go
For the perfect tuck, you'll need some spray adhesive
Give a little spritz to both your front and back
Put some tissue paper there, just below your derriere
With your junk pulled distinctly to your crack (Sorry, Mom)
Some clear vinyl tape should do quite nicely
To give that meat tuck a helpin' hand
At least three strips is wise, dependin' on your size
From chiquito to el chalupa grande, that's Spanish
Now go and get your sturdy tuckin' panties
The ones that look like hell and smell much worse
Get those straps around your thighs as you pull 'em to the skies
'Til your tuck's so tight it makes you want to curse (Mother—)
A little airbrush spray to hide the razor burn and welts
And your perfect tuck is finally in the groove
You can dance and you can stun but it's gonna take a ton
Of industrial-strength cleanser to remove
Now where you once said, "What the tuck?"
Now you've got some tuckin' luck
It's just a tip to save ya
To hide what God done gave ya
The perfect tuck to keep your junk away
I can't sing but you get the point
Go tuck yourself