Sacred Geometry Of Toast Done Right

Attend now ye sinners ye hungry ye fools
For breakfast has laws and the laws have tools

First square the loaf on the altar board
Edges aligned like a knight's straight sword
If the bread leans left that's heresy plain
The crumb must be centered or you start again
Measure twice with a squint and a prayer
A crooked slice means despair in the air

Hear ye! The sacred geometry of toast done right!
Check for parallel sides in the morning light!
If it's brown on one edge and pale on the other
You've angered the gods and disappointed your mother! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

Now set the dial to the number three
Not two not four that's apostasy
Three is the balance of crisp and grace
The holy midpoint of crunch and face
Do not peek early do not inquire
Faith means waiting while it's still on fire

Hear ye! The sacred geometry of toast done right!
There's equal devotion on every bite!
Turn not the loaf nor jiggle the slot
The bread knows its fate you absolutely do not!
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

When the lever drops stand firm and still
No sudden movements no test of will
Hear the hum of the warming coil
That's patience singing through heat and toil
If smoke appears deny what you see
It's just extra flavor spiritually

Hear ye! The sacred geometry of toast done right!
Parallel sides in the morning light!
If it's brown on one edge and pale on the other
You've angered the gods and disappointed your mother! (Oh no!)

Hear ye! The sacred geometry of toast done right!
Golden proportion not charred nor white!
When the toast pops up with a blessed shine
Raise it high and praise the machine!
Praise the machine!