the bond between brothers - stripped

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
But apples were always too sweet
I never was good enough for me
So I lied through my teeth

Laughing hard with my brother
Watching a small TV
Smiling at each other, nothing could come between
He came to me for everything
I saw what he could be
A heart of gold, just like his mother
Everyone loved him, I think

It came around 11th grade when life got hard
And thoughts were pain
I'm there for him, he's there for me
At least, until I couldn't be
My friends were always having fun
I joined them once and fell in love
With losing touch with my body
And feeling like I was floating
Addiction came, it never left
It followed me wherever I went
In my bed, I never slept
Stuck in my head, I always wept

December comes, my hands are cold
You're not there to warm them up
December comes, my hands are cold
You're not there, you're not there
I don't mean to be naïve
Why the fuck did God chose me?
I'm weak and fragile on your knee
The smiles and laughs and words I speak

I don't like to lie to my mum
Told her we're just hanging out
I don't like to lie to my mum
Tell her I won't drink, but I drown
And yesterday, my dog got put down
So I started driving around
Speed was high, tears in my eyes
Made it hard to see

Brother in the car, he told me to slow down
But thinking was hard, the engine was so loud
I blinked and I slept, woke up in a bed
They told me my brother was dead