I Like The Holidays! (A Children's Story)

I like the holidays!
We build makeshift nativity sets
From things just lying around

A nice high heel shoe
For a manger
GI Joe for a wise man
She-Smurf as the blessed virgin
A Frankenstein doll for Joseph
And a fancy little Voodoo doll for baby Jesus

Nestled inside of the shoe
With a vintage Pucci scarf
Wrapped snugly around it for a bunting

And all the plastic dinosaurs
Could gather round
And bear witness to the miracle

Underneath our silver tinsel tree
I know it's not a natural looking tree, but—
Nature is... it's dirty
I have allergies

I like the holidays!
Shiny, shiny ornaments
Reflective balls that stare at my face when I look at them
Sparkly things all around
I wish I could be a crow sometimes
'Cause I know I would just have the fanciest nest

Don't you like it when
The snow forms a white blanket over the city, and
And it makes it look so clean
Like it's covered in cocaine
Or maybe confectioner's sugar

With candies
And sweets
And colors that food doesn't come in very often
Sticky, cloying
I could pleasure myself all day on it, until I get sick
That really good kinda sick
That you get when you've done something to excess

I mean that in the best possible way

I like the holidays!
Fancy cocktails with fancy names
Guiltless champagne, flowing like water
It makes everyone look so beautiful

(So beautiful)
(So beautiful)

Goodwill to all, and give me a very nice, big, present