Saved By the Buoyancy of Citrus

Look at all the limes in this God damned thing
This fucking thing is tropical
Look at the limes, how they float
That's good news
Next time I'm on a boat and it capsizes
I will reach for a lime
Like I'll be water-skiing without a life preserver
People will say "what the fuck"
And I'll pull out a lime
I'm save by the buoyancy of citrus

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read

I got a oscillating fan at my house
The fan goes back and forth
It looks like the fan is saying "no"
So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say no to
Said "do you keep my hair in place?"
"Do you keep my documents in order?"
"Do you have three settings?
Liar"
My fan fucking lied to me
Now I will pull the pin up
Now you ain't saying shit

I didn't go to college
But if I did I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant
Because the customer is always right

Alright, alright
That joke-that joke is better than you acted
Perhaps it's not, maybe it's dumb
I hear you man
I'm not a fucking genius for Christ sakes, you know
I'm fucking just trying to tell some jokes, shit
Who the fuck are you?
That track is number fourteen and it's called 'attitude'

I don't have any children
But if I had a baby I would have to name it
So I'd buy a baby naming book
Or I'd invite someone over who had a cast on