Last October

I spent the end of last October crying on your shoulder.
I'll just never win.
We're going through this,
I'm not even there. I'm never there.

My mind, it could use a little peace and quiet.
My soul wouldn't mind a warm place to hide.
My ears are red and sore from always standing in the snow.
My lungs need air. I spent it on all the "thanks yous" and "goodbyes."

I'm scared. I'm helpless. I'm shaking. I'm weak.
My bones, I feel them breaking.
I'm tired of losing against me.
I'm lost. I can't win.

My tongue is bleeding red from all the things I can't say.
My hands are clawing at the dirt to dig up anything.
I can't say I didn't wish for this before.
I'm ashamed. I don't deserve to be here anymore.

I'm scared. I'm helpless. I'm shaking. I'm weak.
My bones, I feel them breaking.
I'm tired of losing against me.
I'm lost. I can't win.