Etta Mae's Lament (feat. Rachel Bloom)

I'm the local lady of the evening.
And though I like my men and my booze.
I pray to above that I'll find true love
But no one wants a lady who's used

Oh, can someone lasso me a husband?
I'm nothin' without a husband
The menfolk give me a dollar and a smile
But that don't lead to walking down the aisle.

HEY cowboy! can you lasso me a husband?
Though my lover count is over a dozen
Yes, the kissing is fun and the wine is sweet
But what I really want at night is to rub a farmer's feet.

Get me off of my back and standing up straight
So I could be the type of lady that you're night ashamed to date

Get me out of the cathouse, and into the kitchen
I'll wear white and pray to martyrs
I'll trade in my guns and garters
'Cause there are only 2 types of women
Me and virgins who commit to

Can someone lasso me a husband?
Why are you all bein' so stubbin'?
I'm angry and pleased
And a little bit deceased
But you can cure my ills with a husband.