Weapon in My Hand

You don't know what I know.
You can't see the spreading stain of deception.
I am cruel to myself.
Things will never be the same.
I will hold my silence like a weapon in my hand.
If I used it I would murder myself
You could never understand
How you doing?
How is heavens past the brightest star?
I think about you especially when life is hard.
Just watched a video of you before I wrote this.
And many days it's still rough something that I've noticed.
Now I gotta tell you something and you know I never lie.
How your presence alone yes it impacted many life's.
Many lifes
Everything is temporary nothing is forever.
Looking back on three different places we lived together...
And since the Strackon house you have always made me laugh.
I think about you everyday, everyday since you past.
??? talk about you like you never left and his
Impression of you it's still amazing and nothing less.
And I remember when Lou called me then I seen it on the internet.
Fuck Facebook never the place for that upset.
As I'm seeing Rest In Pieces that are followed by your name.
Cuz that shit was personal to me and all I felt was
Pain. Zane's doing well but of course everyone misses you.
Your entire family, especially your sisters too.
Till this day it's the hardest I've ever cried.
As I struggle to talk about this well I'm saying that I'm fine.
A lot of days I wish that I was dead with you.
Cuz I keep that shit inside instead of dealing with my issues.
Yeah I'm quiet,
But I've learned to be a man .
But that silence is that motherfuking weapon in my hand.
I will hold my silence like a weapon in my hand.
If I used it I would murder myself.
You could never understand.
Another great friend is gone and that's the honest truth.
Living right and helping others
One of the ways that I will honor you.
I know it's hot
I feel the heat and hell is there.
We used to joke about the how you were proud to be from Delaware.
I heard something abruptly you left me crushed so
The last time I held you it was covered in disgust.
I think about your last days alive and how I hated you
And how I should have said everything I wanted to say to you.
Instead I kept it bottled up and resentments were born .
I never had the chance to make it right before I mourned.
I'm not God but maybe things would have been different.
I regret are falling out never mind our Petty conflictions.
When I struggle I think of you and go harder.
You had the biggest smile showing me pictures of your daughter.
You treated me good when we were at our bottoms.
Together you helped me out, you said I got you not a problem.
Many days wish it was the other way around.
I'm not blessed
I'm not fortunate
I'm just fucking lucky.
I would give anything to see you one last time it's true
And look you in the eyes and tell you how much that I love you.
Man you're funeral the scenery was tragic cuz I
Remember I started crying when your parents closed the casket.
Yeah I'm quiet
But I've learned to be a man.
But that silence is that mother fucking weapon in my hand.
I will hold my silence like a weapon in my hand.
If I used it I would murder myself.
You could never understand.
In a house of cards
It's just too hard not to touch it ...
So it All Falls Down
Yeah
It all falls down
Falls down
Ring a ring a rosey
A pocket full of possies.
A tissue, a tissue...
We all fall ...
-End-