I Was Attacked by That Rock Over There

I was attacked by that rock over there
Somebody jumped out from one of the biggest parts
Ripped my feet off with their bare hands
I saw my tendons pulled out of my ankles, like chewed up gum
With a quarter of the elasticity

This thing, this person, at most
Slipped my feet on over stumps, and skipped on their way
Picking flowers and drinking rum

I crawled behind the biggest part of the rock
I sat and waited
My legs leaking, foaming over like a shaken up soda

I heard footsteps
Clean, crisp, strong feet
Crunching over fresh leaves
I took my opportunity
I dove out off my knees
I couldn't bear to look at their face

I went for their feet
I grabbed with both hands
First the left, and then the right
And I pulled each as hard as I could
And they slid off
Like chewed up gum
About an eighth of the elasticity
And I slipped them on over my stumps, overjoyed
I skipped off, picking flowers and drinking bourbon