Undesirable Element (Lovebox)

So far everything is going swimmingly
I'm feeling overconfident (yeah)
Standing in the gates with my arms straight out
Just chatting to the bouncers all nonchalant
But I'm suddenly aware of this movement below me
Something circling my trainers (what?)
And in a split second I realize I'm fucked
There's no way this was going to be painless
The dog barked
And before I could pull myself together
Swiftly approaches a PC (beautiful)
She looks at me dead in the eye and says,
"Sir I know you're carrying something you shouldn't be"
And then she says,
"Put your palms together"
And takes me to this weird frumhole thing
Leading me through that open crowd
Oh my mum she would've been so proud (so proud)
So now I'm sitting on the bench in the holding tent thinking,
"I'm way too old for this shit"
And there's not much to do but take off
My shoes and hand over my disco biscuits
And she's thanking me for my compliance and saying,
"You seem quite honest to me, sir
But we still need to do a very thorough strip search
I'm afraid it's just standard procedure"
I was only looking for a good time, Officer
Good time, good time, good time (yeah)
I was only looking for a good time, Officer
Good time, good time
(Yo, yeah, come on)
Now I'm standing there in my birthday suit
With my crown jewels pulled to one side (one side)
And there's a neon sign that keeps flashing in my mind that says,
"Not Quite Dignified"
And if you combine the two ages of the officers watching
I doubt it's more than thirty-six
And I'm thinking,
"I bet you didn't sign up to spend all
Your weekend inspecting strangers' dicks"
I pull on my clothes and join the rest of the criminals
Making various protests, standing in line to be processed
Interview, autograph, fingerprints, photograph
Skinny but partial [?] man reading my rights
He says a lot of other stuff I can't remember
And for the purpose of this story it's irrelevant
And he finishes with a wisdom,
"Go home now, sir. You are the undesirable element."
I was only looking for a good time, Officer
Good time, good time, good time (yeah)
I was only looking for a good time, Officer
Good time, good time, good time (yeah)
I was only looking for a good time, Officer
I was only looking for a good time
I was only looking for a good time
I was only looking for a good time