A Musical Apology

I didn't mean it when I said I hope the cable in the elevator snaps
As you step on board.
I was joking when I said,
I hope you crack your head,
And get mangled by the downstairs revolving door.
And I was kidding when I said I hope the number 103 bus
Hits and makes a pancake out of you.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
Isn't it amazing what a woman in love will do.
And I really don't want to see a taxi on the
59th street flip over, "Crash!" through the rail,
And I'd be sad if at the airport you
were mistaken for a local sex offender,
Arrested, beaten up, and thrown in jail.
And I really don't want to see you get radiation poisoning from the
metal detectors that all passengers on
foreign and domestic flights must go through.
I'm sorry, forgive me,
For all of the mean things I said to you.
You thought I didn't have a temper,
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
Surprise!
But I really don't want to see you
dismembered by the marijuana sniffing dogs,
When a simple little nipping would suffice.
And I'm sorry when I said I hope the flight
attendant spills scalding hot coffee on your lap,
As you fly away from me.
And I'm sorry when I said,
I hope you break both legs
On the mountain while you ski.
And I'm sorry for all the nasty things I said about your mother
Even though we both know they're true.
I'm sorry, forgive me,
I'm swallowing my pride,
I'd feel so guilty if you died!
I'm sorry, but I'm still pissed at you.