The Laughing Gnome (vocal take 1

I was walking down the high street
When I heard footsteps behind me
And there was a little old man ("hello!")
In scarlet and gray, chuckling away
Well he trotted back to my house
And he sat beside the telly
With his tiny hands on his stomach
Smiling away, laughing all day
"I ought to report you to the gnome office" ("oh no!")

Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Said the laughing gnome
("You're standing on my foot")

Well i gave him roasted toadstools
And a glass of dandelion wine ("pardon")
Then i put him on the train to Eastbourne
Carried his bag, and gave him a fag
("Have you got a light, boy?")
"Hey little laughing gnome, where do you come from?"
("Gnome-man's land!")
"Oh yeah?"
(Oh yeah!)
"Ha!"
Then this morning, when i woke up
He was sitting on the edge of my bed
With his brother, whose name was Fred
He'd brought him along, to sing me a song
"Alright, let's hear it" ("okay")
"Hey, what are you wearing that mask for?"
("I'm a gnome-man in disguise!")

Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
("Gnome, I'm a gnome, anyway")
"Yeah"
"Hey, haven't you got a home to go to?"
("No, we are gnome-ads")
"Didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school?
You look like a rolling gnome"
("Not at the London school of Eco-gnome-ics")

Now they're settled up me chimney
And we're living on caviar and honey ("Hurray!")
'Cause they're earning me lots of money
Writing comedy prose for radio shows
"It's the, err..." ("Go on") "It's the gnome-service, of course!"

Ha, ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee, hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me